


Chaos

by AmaranthPrincess21



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-26
Updated: 2015-01-11
Packaged: 2018-02-07 10:16:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 23,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1895310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmaranthPrincess21/pseuds/AmaranthPrincess21
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You and the Commander are in a relationship, and while you love him, you have your doubts about whether his affection is real or not. Amid your doubts about him, you find yourself in a very tight predicament that will change your life forever.<br/>Let the chaos ensue.<br/>And pray that everything will get straightened out one day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Was it love, or was it lust?

You lay down on a comfy bed, the soft cotton sheets rubbing against your bare skin. It was very, very early in the morning, and you were nestled into your lover’s body. You could hear his heartbeat, ever calm and soothing, next to your ear. Your arms were wrapped around his lean torso. His arm was lying under your armpit and curled around your back. His hand rested right under one of your breasts, and one of his fingers absentmindedly rubbed your skin. You were pretending to be asleep; you didn’t want him to know you were awake as well. He had woken you up about an hour ago, when he had gotten out of bed and brought his paperwork into bed to read. He knew you rarely ever moved when you slept, so he had placed his papers on top of your hips. _Easy reaching distance,_ you thought cynically, as you and he were pressed tightly together. 

It was moments like this that made you confused about your relationship with Erwin. You never really saw him during the day. Whenever you went to visit him during your spare time, he was busy with paperwork and you felt guilty about distracting him. He’d only ever call you into his office if he needed something ran to Levi or the squad leaders, or if he needed some stress relief. Sometimes you felt as if this affair of sorts was based purely on sex for him. But then he’d cuddle with you after sex and tell you how much he cared, and how beautiful you were. You had never been in a sexual partnership with anyone before, so you didn’t know if he way only saying it because that was obligatory after sex, or if he genuinely meant it. And then sometimes after a grueling day of training, you would go to your dorm room to pass out, and you would find a small box full of sweets or flowers on your bed. But then again, usually those little presents followed a grueling night, and you were never sure if they were “thank you” gifts, or “I love you” gifts. And then he did this: cuddled and held you while you slept, but his paperwork had his focus. 

The ambiguity of his affection hadn’t really bothered you when you began your affair. But as the days turned to weeks, and the weeks to months, you felt increasingly more and more worried about what this affair meant to him. Now, this wasn’t to say either of you were cheating on a partner; you and Erwin were only involved in each other and no one else. “Affair” was the closest word to what you two had going on that you could think of. You felt that you two were not romantic enough to be in a “relationship,” but closer than just “fuck buddies.” Only “affair” captured the illicit, highly sexual air of what was going on between you and Erwin. And, unfortunately, “affair” also captured the air of there being something wrong with yours and Erwin’s bond. You loved him, truly and madly, but you didn’t know if he for sure loved you back. He told you he loved you, but with him not really showing you any affection or even validation outside of the bedroom, you weren’t for sure. 

Your [e/c] eyes started welling with tears, and you knew you couldn’t let him see or feel you cry. But, you knew by turning over he’d most likely figure out you were awake. You made your choice and rearranged yourself so your back was to him. His free arm made to catch the papers that had been on your hips before they fell to the ground. He chuckled lightly before placing them on the nightstand. 

“Good morning, [First].” he said, kissing your shoulder blade and sending shivers down your spine. “You’re up earlier than usual.” 

“I guess I couldn’t sleep.” you shrugged, blinking back tears. 

“I didn’t wake you up, did I?” he asked, starting to cover the crook of your neck in kisses. 

“No,” you lied. Your breath hitched as he nipped at your neck. _That’s not like him,_ you thought as you turned to face him. “Erwin?” His hand cupped your face and brought you closer to him for a deep kiss. Arousal started pooling in the pit of your stomach as you felt him growing hard. The cynical thoughts in your mind were pushed out in seconds and you wrapped your arms around his neck. “Do we have enough time before breakfast?” you breathed before covering his face with chaste kisses. 

“We’ll have enough time. Breakfast isn’t for a few more hours,” he replied before letting his hands drift down your body. 

*Four Hours Later*

“All right, brats, you did passably today. Go bathe yourself. You all smell like shit.” Captain Levi dismissed you and your fellow comrades. _He doesn’t have to call us brats, we aren’t newbies anymore,_ you thought as everyone fell out of their salutes. You had enlisted in the Survey Corps three years ago, and although you hadn’t ranked in the top ten during training, you had quickly risen among the recruits as a damn good soldier. 

“You know, we aren’t babies anymore. You don’t have to call us brats,” you told him lightly, walking up to him. He rolled his grey eyes at you. 

“You aren’t a baby but you still act like you’re a moody hormonal pre-teen, so you qualify to be called a brat.” he replied in a deadpan. 

“I have to qualify for the position of brat now?” you laughed, punching his arm. He chuckled and started walking back to the castle, and you made sure your steps matched his. 

“Yes.” he snarked. “Decent work out there today, by the way. You picked up that new maneuver quicker than I thought you would.” 

“Oh, thanks,” you said. “I still need to practice it, though. I felt like I got sloppy.” 

“You did, but not as much as everyone else did. A few more sessions and you’ll have it down.” he reassured you. 

“I hope so, with an expedition coming up.” you said. 

“The expedition is in six months, you’re going to have it down by then. If not, then I’d suggest rethinking about your military career.” His words were harsh, but his tone told you he was messing with you. It’s not like he offended you, anyway. By now you were used to his bluntness, and you spent enough time with him to know when he was joking and when he was being serious. 

“Yeah, I don’t think I’ll have much of a military career. I’ll stay as a low-ranking member and keep fighting titans until I die or we wipe them out.” you said, shrugging. 

“You never know, you could get a promotion any day now,” Levi told you. You shrugged. Your eyes flitted to headquarters, and in one of the windows you could see Erwin looking down onto the courtyard, his blue eyes locking with your [e/c] ones. He nodded in recognition, and then turned away before you could wave or smile back. 

It’s fucking creepy when he does that,” Levi commented as you two entered headquarters. 

“It is kinda unsettling, isn’t it?” you murmured. I kinda want to go visit him. “I’ll see you, Captain. I have to go do something really fast.” 

“All right, I’ll see you later, [First].” he said, and you went your separate ways. You weren’t sure if Levi knew about you and Erwin; despite your closeness you hadn’t breathed a word of it, and you doubted Erwin said anything either. You had a feeling that he knew, but he never asked and you would only tell if he asked. _I don’t think I would even tell Levi if he asked,_ you thought as reached the showers. _No one needs to know what’s going on between Erwin and I. No one needs to involve themselves in the indefinable mess that is our relationship._ You sighed. _No, the lack of knowledge of what we are isn’t what bothers me the most. I just wish I knew if he really does love me, or if he just loves having sex with me._


	2. The First Month

You and Petra Ral sat outside the medics’ offices, waiting to receive your physicals and surveys. Normally, those participating in expeditions would receive physicals six months and a month before the journeys outside the walls, but due to some scheduling errors, you and a handful of your fellow soldiers didn’t get physicals at the six month mark. Not that it should make all that much of a difference, you thought as Petra talked to animatedly about a stay cat she had found while visiting her dad during her day off. The door to one of the offices opened, and Hange poked her head out as Gunther Schultz left the room.

“[First], it’s your turn.” she said, but you remained in your seat. 

“Hange, why are in you a medic’s office?” you asked cautiously, an eyebrow raised at her. 

“One of the medics is ironically sick, so I offered to help out with physicals.” she explained. 

“All right,” you shrugged, standing up and following Hange inside the office. You knew Hange had some medicinal training, but you were still a little reluctant to have her conduct your physical. She was rough around the edges and although you liked her as a person very much, after treating you once during training you made sure to never go to her for medical help again. 

“Go stand on the scale and we’ll do measurements first,” she ordered, shutting the door. You climbed onto the scale. Hange recorded your weight, height, and blood pressure with relative quickness. She took your pulse next, and gave you a quizzical look. 

“[First], are you feeling okay?” she asked you cautiously. 

“Yeah, a little nervous, but fine. Why? Is something wrong?” you inquired. 

“It’s nothing serious, really, your heart rate is just a little faster than it should be for a girl your age. Did you just come from training, are you exceedingly worried about anything coming up . . . ?” 

“Well, I’m a little nervous about this physical, but that’s it, really,” you replied. Hange pursed her lips and wrote something down on her clipboard. 

“I want you to come back to this medic in a few days and make sure everything’s okay. Your heart rate shouldn’t be that high, even with nerves. Go sit down at the desk and let’s get through the rest of this quickly.” Worry building in your stomach, you sat down at the desk with Hange. _I really hope it’s just nerves and Hange's lack of precise medical training is coming into play right now,_ you thought. 

“So, when was the last time you were sick?” your superior asked you. 

“Uh, I think about four months ago. It was just a common cold,” you answered, watching her pen fly across the paper. 

“How long did it last?” 

“About a week.” _I remember Erwin visiting me every day and making sure I got taken care of,_ you reminisced, fighting a smile off of your face. 

“Nothing since then?” 

“I’ve been feeling tired lately, but then again I haven’t been getting a lot of sleep so I think it’s that.” 

“So, no?” 

“No.” Her pen recorded your answer. 

“I think you may be getting sick again, [First]. But you can get that solved tomorrow, or later. Are you or have you been sexually active since your last physical or doctor’s appointment?” 

“That’s not on that sheet of paper you have,” you accused her before looking down at it. It was, in fact, a legitimate question. “Oh.” 

“What, you think I’d just pry into your personal life? That’s pretty accurate, but that is on the questionnaire.” 

“Well, I, uh, yeah. I’m sexually active.” you murmured, kicking yourself as you felt your face heat up. 

“With who?” 

“I know for a fact that’s not on the question sheet.” 

“I know, but I’m curious. But you’re right. You can tell me off the record later. Are you and your partner using protection?” 

“Er, I, well, um, heh, I-I guess we don’t,” your face was as red as a tomato as you stammered out a response. 

“He, assuming it’s a he, doesn’t even pull out?” she asked incredulously. 

“I-I . . . well, um, if we’re having oral sex then he does, but otherwise, no,” you said quietly, looking down at your feet. 

“Do you even know his sexual history?” 

“It’s not really my place to ask about his past relations -” 

“[First], listen to me. I’m telling you this as a friend and not a temporary medic. I know you’re young and still learning, but when you go into a relationship with someone and you’re having sex, you need to know about their sexual history. With it near impossible to get a hold of birth control, you need to know how high your chance is of getting infected with something from your partner. It’s awkward asking about it, but you need to know it for your own good. You understand?” 

“Yeah,” you murmured. 

“And another thing. You’re a smart and talented girl, and I know you’ve got a good military career ahead of you. Curing STD’s is hard, but it’s not impossible. But getting one could take you out of the field for a long time. And what if you got pregnant? That would put your career on hold for at least a year, possibly for good. I know it’s hard to get birth control, but even if you can’t have safe sex at least ask him to pull out.” 

“I’ll talk to him about it,” you acquiesced to appease her. 

“Good. When was your last period?” 

“Uh, I just ended . . . five days ago was the last day I had any blood.” you replied. 

“Okay.” Once again, her pen flew across the sheet of paper. “I am very curious about who it is though, [First]. I wasn’t aware you were involved with anyone.” 

“We’re trying to keep it on the down low.” you shrugged. “We didn’t think it’d reflect well on our careers, so we’re keeping quiet.” 

“Does that it mean it’s someone high up in the Corps?” _Ah, shit._

“Yes, and that’s all I’m telling you.” 

“Is it Levi?” 

“What? Ew, no. Captain is like my older brother, but scary and with actual authority. God no, it’s not him. But I’m not telling you anything else.” 

“All right, fine. It _is_ your business, after all. I have a few more questions I need to ask, and then you’re free to go.” 

*A Week Later* 

“Sir, you wanted to see me?” You stood outside of Erwin’s office, hands behind your back. 

“Come in, [First],” he called out. You quickly entered and shut the door, before turning your attention to him. It was usually a hit or miss whether he just wanted you to run something for him or if he wanted a hand job. “Do you have anything coming up soon?” 

“No, I’m free for the day,” you told him. The harsh sound of wood against wood met your ears as he pushed his chair back. 

“Come sit down,” he invited you, patting his thigh. _Of course._ You walked over to him and straddled his lap like you had done so many times before. You were about to start kissing his neck when you felt your back hit the edge of Erwin’s desk as he scooted forward. _What? What is he doing?_ You could hear him picking up a pen and writing something down. _Does he just want to cuddle? Or does he have to finish something up really fast and then we’ll get to fooling around?_ You wrapped your arms around his neck, your face nuzzling the crook of it. You waited for him to initiate, as was the norm, but he never did. He kept writing while keeping his free arm wrapped around your waist. _Does he want me to initiate? I don’t know how to start sex. Should I say something? Or start touching him? Maybe I should just stay quiet until he does something. But what if he wants to change things up? I mean, we’ve never stalled before. You know what, I should just ask. Because I’m lost. I hate to, but I just wanna make him happy and I can only do that if I ask._

“E-Erwin?” you asked timidly, immediately panicking once his name escaped your lips. 

“Yes, [First]?” he replied, putting his pen down and putting his other arm around your waist. 

“Um, I was just wondering what’s up. You never call me in to just cuddle. Are you wanting to, um, mess around?” you questioned him. 

“I just wanted to see you,” he explained, kissing your shoulder. "I haven't been able to spend time with you during the day lately because of all of this paperwork, so I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone." _Right. Because you can't afford to take five minutes off to devote all of your attention to me,_ you thought cynically. 

"That's kind of you," you forced yourself to say. He seemed to notice your forced words, and kissed your neck. 

“However, I wouldn’t be opposed if you wanted to ‘mess around,’” he breathed into your ear. _So close. So close. You may be a strategic genius but you really don’t know anything about women, do you?_

“No, I’m fine. I haven’t really been feeling that good lately,” you told him as his right arm left your body and resumed writing. 

“Are you catching a cold?” he asked. 

“I don’t think so, I’m just really tired most of the time.” you replied with a shrug. 

“Am I keeping you up too late?” 

“No, it’s not that. I don’t think, at least. I think it’s just the increased training regiment going on is making me more tired. My immune system is good, I’m positive it’s just my body’s tired.” 

“I hope so. Is there anything else going on?” he asked. You inhaled deeply and shifted a little, not wanting to tell him what Hange had said to you a week earlier. 

“Well, when I went in for a physical a while ago, Hange said my heart rate was a little high, and that if it kept going on I should go see a medic.” Silence invaded the room as Erwin stopped writing, and seemingly everything was deathly still. 

“And this has been going on for a week.” It wasn’t a question. 

“Y-yeah,” you replied weakly. He waited a second before sighing. 

“Go to the medics and tell them what’s wrong. I can’t afford to have you sick or have some sort of issue before an expedition.” 

“Fine,” you said, pressing your lips into a fine line before getting of Erwin’s lap and heading down to the medical offices. _Why does it still surprise me when he thinks of work before me? He’s done it for our entire relationship, why would things change after we started having sex?_ You knocked on the door of one of the medics, and were greeted with Hange's bright face. “Is the medic still out?” 

“Yeah, she got a bad round of syphilis. Ironic, really,” she informed you as she ushered you in. “So, what’s up, [First]? Are you still having a fast heart beat?” 

"Yeah, and then on top of that the fatigue has been frequent, along with me having to go to the bathroom more than usual." Hange clicked her tongue and sighed. 

"It sounds like you have a urinary tract infection to me," she said, making your heart drop. "However, I don't want to diagnose you with anything without running some tests. I'm gonna draw some blood from you tomorrow and send it off to a doctor in Trost to make sure everything's in order, okay?" 

"Okay. When should I get the results back?" you asked. _This is just great. I have wonderful luck. A tract infection? How could I have gotten that?_

"In two weeks at most. Now, in that time I want you to take it easy and stop having sex. Men get can urinary tract infections from sex, and we don't need two soldiers out when it could have been prevented." 

"Should I tell him about this?" Hange sighed, resigned, and looked you dead in the eye, her fingertips touching. 

"[First], when there's any sign that you have something that can be transmitted to your partner, you need to let them know as soon as possible,” she advised you. “Look, I know it's not my place to pry and preach, but [First], I honestly don't think you should be in a sexual relationship. I don’t think you’re ready for it. If you feel uncomfortable with asking this guy about his sex life before you and wondering whether or not to tell him about this looks like a red flag to me that you’re not entirely comfy being with this guy.” 

“No, that’s not it!” you argued with her. “I love him, he just . . . He just seems to like his work more than he does me and sometimes I just don’t know if he really loves me or not. But I love him more than anything in the world but it’s just frustrating. We’ll be sleeping in bed after sex and he’s doing fucking paperwork while cuddling me and I just feel like he never gives me all of his attention unless we’re having sex.” It felt like a weight was lifted off of your shoulders as you confided in Hange. 

“Have you talked to him about this?” Hange asked. You shook your head. 

“No, I don’t want to upset him, or so -” 

“[First], if something bothers you in a relationship you have to talk to your partner about it!” Hange said, looking at you in shock. “Is he intimidating you to the point where you don’t feel like you can say anything?” 

“He’s not intimidating me, I just feel selfish talking to him about things I think are wrong in the relationship,” you explained quickly, but she looked angrier at your words. 

“You shouldn’t feel selfish for telling him about things that bother you! [First], communication is key in a relationship and if you don’t feel like you can talk to him about anything, that’s not a healthy relationship and I honestly think you should either get over your fear and talk to him or just leave him.” 

“But I love him, he’s -” 

“You’re young, [First]. You will have many partners in life. Don’t settle for your first love if there’s an unhealthy relationship as yours sounds like. If I were you, I would leave him. But if you really love him, talk to him about everything. If you keep up with all these secrets and keeping things in, the relationship is bound to wither and die.” Hange advised you. The mere suggestion of your relationship falling apart was enough to keep you quiet. Frustrated as you were with Erwin, you couldn’t imagine truly breaking up with him. Hange waited for a rebuttal that didn’t come before going on. “I know it sucks, but for the blood test, I need you to only have water and nothing else for a day. I’ll pull you out of training for the day; there’s no way you should be training with no food in your stomach. I’ll ask them to check for STD’s and pregnancy, just in case. Better safe that sorry, right?” 

“Yeah, right. Thank you so much for this, Hange. I really appreciate you helping me out.” you admitted to her. She smiled and lightly punched your arm. 

“I have to look out for my cadets, and if it means giving them relationship counseling and help with colds, then by God I’ll do it.” 

*That Night* 

Tonight was nothing extraordinary; it was like almost every other night. You lay curled up against Erwin, who had one arm around you while the one held a book. Your stomach was a sea of nausea and worry, afraid to talk to him about this. _Come on, [First], you heard Hange. You need to be open with him._

“E-Erwin?” your voice cut through the silence. 

“Mm?” he put his book down, turning his attention to you. 

“I . . . er, I need to talk to you about something.” you told him. “I, uh. So I went to have myself checked on, for the heart rate thing, and the fatigue, and the other things, I, well, she said I might have a, um I might have a urinary tract infection,” _God damn it, why is this so embarrassing? Why is my face so hot?_ “So I, um, I’m getting tested for sure tomorrow and well, um, men can get it from being sexually active so, uh, I can’t have sex until the results come back in two weeks.” 

“All right. How are you feeling right now?” he asked, brushing some of the hair out of your face. 

“I feel like I’m gonna throw up,” you answered bluntly. _Why is it so hard to talk to him? I feel so uncomfortable right now! Maybe Hange was right. Maybe this isn’t going to work out._

“It’s going to be okay, [First],” he reassured you, cradling you face in his hands. His thumbs wiped away the few tears that had escaped your eyes. I’m crying? you wondered, snuggling closer into his torso. He removed his hands from his face and wrapped them around your back. “I’m sure you have a common cold. The test will come back negative, and everything will go back to how it used to be.” 

“I’m sure it’s nothing. It’s just a little scary,” you thought aloud. _What if the test comes back positive for an infection? Or an STD? How the hell will I deal with that? How can I deal with that?_

“I’ll be here for you when you need me,” his voice was soothing as he cradled you in his arms. _Maybe Hange was wrong. Maybe this will work out,_ you sniffed. 

_Or maybe this is just a calm before the storm,_ an unwanted voice in your head piped up. You hugged Erwin tighter as you started sobbing, letting everything go.


	3. The Second Month

"Get up, shitty brat. You still have a few laps to g-" Levi's scolding was interrupted as you heaved what remained of your breakfast onto the ground. You were sitting on the backs of your calves, clutching your stomach and upchucking whatever happened to be in your stomach. Levi sighed as another wave of nausea crashed into you. You lurched forward and vomited for what felt like the four hundredth time. You felt his arms wrap around you, undoing your cloak. He neatly folded it and placed it on the ground before holding your ponytail out of your face.

"Than-" Hot, acidic vomit erupted from your mouth and poured onto the front of your uniform. "Ugh, I just washed this uniform!" you groaned. 

"You're disgusting. Petra! Go get me a bucket!" Levi yelled to your friend, who was passing the two of you. 

"Got it, Captain!" Petra said, racing off to go get a bucket for you. 

"Weren't you throwing up earlier as well?" Levi asked. You nodded. 

"Yeah. And the night before I threw up. I think I'm getting sick." 

"I expect you to make up these laps later, but for now I'm gonna help you to the medics and get you something so you can stop upchucking every five minutes," he told you. 

"Thank you, sir." you said, starting to feel dizzy from being bent over and throwing up so much. 

"It's nothing, cadet." Petra returned, an empty bucket in her hands. 

"Thanks, Petra. Oi brats! Once you're finished with your laps, you're done for today!" Levi shouted at the others. He handed the bucket to you, and you gratefully took it from him. You cautiously stood up and walked with him towards the castle. 

"You've been sicker than a dog for the past few weeks," he stated, opening the door for you. You murmured your thanks. "Haven't you gotten the results from that test yet so we know what's wrong with you?" 

"I should get it today or tomorrow. I wish it wasn't the case, but I honestly think I do have a urinary tract infection." 

"That or you got knocked up." he commented. "Either way, you’re pretty much screwed." _Pregnant? What, no, that isn’t it. I’m just sick. After all, my immune system has been weaker than usual lately,_ you thought as worry started to boil in your stomach. You tried to play it off, laughing at him. The last thing you needed was to be explicitly worried. 

“Captain, no offense, but your jokes are shit,” you laughed. 

“Like yours are any better,” he snarked, opening the castle door and walking you to the infirmary. You had to stop along the way a few times so you could throw up into the bucket, but eventually you two made it. You sat on a bed, hugging the bucket as the nurse searched for something to stop the vomiting. 

“When you’re done throwing up your internal organs, come by my office and I’ll have you go finish doing laps,” Levi told you. _I’m completely miserable and throwing up every few seconds, and he’s more worried about me finishing a work out?!_

“Yes, sir,” you nodded and he left the infirmary. 

“The Captain needs to sort out his priorities,” the medic grumbled as she handed you a few pills to take. 

“I know, he really does,” you replied. You swallowed the pills down, relief already spilling through your body, knowing the vomiting would stop soon. 

“I think you should take it easy for a few days. Go up to your room and take a nap. I’ll pull you from duties for the rest of the day,” the medic informed you. “Who’s in charge of you?” 

“I am so sorry. I’ll do my best to convince him to let you rest. Now, go and take a nap. You need it.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” you mumbled, carefully standing up, grabbing your bucket, and walking back to your room. _God, could I really be pregnant?_

_It’s possible, but right now all of your symptoms are pointing towards an infection or disease, not pregnancy,_ your reason informed you. _You haven’t had bloating, or cravings, or mood swings. You can’t be pregnant. Your only pregnancy symptom is vomiting. Fatigue and faster heart rate are infection symptoms, along with nausea. And although having an STD sucks, it’s more curable than pregnancy._

_Yeah, yeah. That’s all true,_ you thought with a laugh. _God, I need to stop getting myself worked up like this. It’ll cause problems in the future._ You slowly ascended the stairs and made it to your room, only throwing up once on the way there. Once in your dorm room, you stripped yourself of your dirty uniform and put on your casual clothes. _Oh hey, mail’s here!_ you realized, having sat on crinkly paper when sitting down on your bed. _Letter from my parents, letter from my baby brother and sister. Aw! I wonder what they’re up to,_ you wondered as you put the other mail down and opened the letter from your younger siblings, aged five and seven. 

     Dear [First], 

         When are you coming home? We miss you every day! We planted some pretty flowers with Mama and we wish you could see them! We tried to send you some, but Daddy said they’d die before they got to you, and no one should  ever  get dead flowers. So you’re gonna have to wait until you come home to see them.           

     How is fighting titans? How many have you killed so far? We heard there’s a trip outside the walls coming up, and we want you to tell us absolutely everything once you come home! Also, we’ve got a bet going on, on how fast you can become Commander! We think by the time the current one dies, you’ll be old enough to take his place and lead the Survey Corps on their trips outside! And by then, we’ll be old enough and we can be your second-in-command! Although they don’t say it, Mama and Daddy are sure you’ll rise through the ranks. Daddy said, “A girl like [First] is stubborn and bound to go places.” We can’t wait till we can join the military and enlist in the Survey Corps with you! 

          That way, we can see each other every day! We really miss you and we’re ready for you to come home! Tell us when you’ll be back! And how everything’s going! 

     Love and hugs, Belladonna and Peregrine 

_God, they’re so cute. I can’t wait to get a day off and go visit them,_ you smiled like an idiot at the letter. You gingerly placed it on your nightstand. _I’ll write them back as soon as I’m done going through all of this mail._ You picked up the small stack of letters and continued reading through it. _Letter from parents, yeah, I’ll get to that, letter from my grandparents, I’ll answer that after I answer Bella and Perrie’s letter, and . . . oh my God, took them long enough!_ You all but threw the other letter aside as you looked down at the letter containing your test results. 

You ripped the envelope open savagely, thinking, _Finally, I can figure out for sure what I have and get treated as soon as possible! I’m tired of feeling shitty all the time, and this letter will help me get back on track to being healthy again!_

     Dear Miss [Last], 

          We have conducted tests for sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy with the blood sample you sent in. Fortunately, you tested negative for sexually transmitted diseases. 

_Oh, thank God,_ you thought, relief filling your belly like a hearty meal. _I’m just sick with a common cold then. Oh, thank God I don’t have any STD’s!_ Smiling in relief, you read on. 

     While testing negative for sexually transmitted diseases is very good, we must inform you that you did test positive for pregnancy 

Another wave of nausea hit you, and you threw up into the bucket on the floor. _Pregnant?! I-I can’t be! The test must have been flawed, I can’t be pregnant! I just_ can’t _be . . ._

The letter went on, explaining the symptoms you had lined up with early pregnancy, and suggesting you consult your superiors in terms of what to do. _Oh, I am so royally fucked. What am I going to do? What am I going to tell my parents? My siblings? I’m setting such a God awful example for them! And what about everyone one base that will find out? My friends? Erwin?_

_You can’t tell Erwin! He’ll freak out if he finds out!_ a voice in your head screamed at you. _He would panic and possibly leave you! You can’t let him know about this!_

_I can’t hide it from him!_ you yelled back at the voice. _I just need to figure out what I’m doing, and then plan._

_Well you can’t get rid of it. Abortions are back alley procedures, and every girl you knew back on your street that got it done either died on the table or died a day later. And besides, do you_ really _want to get rid of the baby?_

_No, I don’t really. But I can’t let him or anyone else know! Oh,_ shit, _this is going to ruin my career! Either I have the baby and beg my parents to raise it, or I quit the military and raise the baby. Both of those paths will halt my career, either temporarily or permanently. Fuck, why did I let myself get in this situation? Knocked up by some guy whose affection is as ambiguous as the origin of the titans._ You sighed, putting your head in your hands. _So, what am I going to do? Am I going to give the baby to my parents to raise, or will I become a mother?_

_Well, I have no idea how my parents will react, and I can’t anticipate what they’ll say or agree too. Fuck, what have I gotten myself into?_ Hot, acidic tears started to pour out of your eyes as you sat on your bed, sobbing and clutching the letter like a life line. _What have I done? What am I gonna do?_

_Maybe you just need to talk this out with someone,_ a small voice in your head suggested. 

_Who the hell will I talk to about this? I don’t exactly have anyone to talk to about something like this!_

_What about the Captain? He’s a jackass, but he’s fair and trustworthy. It’s worth a shot. Either way, you’ll have to ask him for maternity leave._ You gulped hard, wiping your stinging eyes on your sleeve. You stood up cautiously and made your way up to his office. It was a trek you made too often, up to the third floor where your superiors’ office and bedrooms were. You reached Levi’s office door, and felt yourself hesitating to knock. _I can’t do this, I can’t do this._

_Come on, you need to get this over with. Better now than later,_ the voice in your head told you. Biting your lip to hold back tears, you nodded and knocked on the heavy wooden door. 

“Name and business?” Levi’s voice asked from the other side of the door. 

“I-It’s Cadet [Last], sir. I-I-I need t-to talk to about something,” you answered. 

“Come in.” he beckoned to you. You opened the door. Your throat was starting to ache like it always did before you started to cry, and you tried to pull yourself together. “I take it you’re feeling better, cadet?” he inquired as you closed the door and sat down in the visitor’s chair. 

“I . . . I guess I do a bit. Sir, I-I actually came in here for another reason.” you paused, waiting for him to say something. He was silent, looking at you expectantly. _Oh God, I can’t do this, I can’t do this._ You bit your lip and continued on, voice wavering as your mind and stomach swirled with embarrassment and shame. “Sir, I-I would like to request maternity leave in a few months,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper. 

What was worse was Levi’s lack of response. He stared at you with his penetrating blue eyes, as if trying to read if you were joking or not. You felt a few hot tears escape your eyes before you started bawling again. _Stop it! Stop crying! You can’t cry in front of him! You just_ can’t, you scolded yourself, but no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t hold back the torrent of tears that was forcing itself out of your body. Levi sighed and stood up, walking so he could lean in front of the desk, standing in front of you and not too far from your body. 

“Fucking _shit,_ I was joking earlier when I said you could be knocked up, but I guess I was more spot on than I thought,” he finally said. “So, what’re you going to do?” 

“I-I-I don’t know,” you sobbed, refusing to look at him. “I’m t-too young to have a baby, but with abortions having a higher mortality rate than the Survey Corps, I can’t afford to try it. And I-I . . . my parents will be so mad when I tell them; I can’t count on them adopting the baby. Adoption is so iffy these days I-I don’t know if I can depend on someone taking care of the baby. But, but if I had and kept it, I’d be all on my own. I can’t let the father know, under any circumstances. I don’t want to be alone, but I’m terrified of what will happen if he finds out.” 

Once again, Levi was silent, and although you couldn’t see it, giving you a vaguely pitiful look. His hand placed itself under your chin, and he made you look him dead in the eye. 

“Would the father hurt you if he knew?” he asked gravely. You sniffed, and shook your head. 

“No. But I don’t want him to panic and leave me. I don’t want to be alone, sir,” you replied. 

“You just told me you’re pregnant and you’re crying in my office, you can drop the formalities for now,” he rolled his eyes. “[First], I won’t ask you who knocked you up. That’s none of my business. But if he’s a Scout like I’m assuming he is, he’s going to find out eventually,” he told you. 

“He can’t! He can’t know!” you were almost pleading with him. He sighed in exasperation. 

“You’re being irrational,” he said harshly. “But, if you’re so scared, take your maternity leave now. I’ll come up with some excuse to Erwin and the rest of the Corps about why you’re gone.” Alarm jolted your body. 

“What? I can’t leave! I’m still needed, I still need to help with chores, and train so I’m in shape for as long as possible, and -” 

“You keep up doing all of this work and you’ll miscarry. Is that what you want?” he demanded. 

“ . . . No,” you answered quietly, wiping your eyes on the back of your hands. 

“Then you need to take your leave now.” he said simply. 

“But I’m still a Scout, and I still want to help around the base, even though I can’t do anything with titans. And I can’t face my parents yet. Not until I know they’ll take me and maybe the baby in,” you told him. He sighed yet again, this time pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“I think your choice is shit, but it’s your life and I can’t tell you what to do with it. Fine. I won’t make you take your leave now. You can stay on base, and I’ll make sure the father doesn’t find out. I’m taking you out of training and off of chores, and I’m assigning you to help me when it comes to filing paperwork. God knows I have too much work and I get too little sleep. One of the medics owes me a favor, so I’ll redeem that and ask her to make a report that you have some sort of illness that’ll take you out of training and put you in almost complete isolation.” he said. Another sob ripped itself from your body, and you smiled up at him. 

“Levi, I-I can’t thank you enough for this. This is the kindest thing anyone’s ever done for me,” you told him, standing up and pulling him into a hug. He hesitated, and then hugged you back. 

“Tch. You’re my subordinate. I’d be a shitty captain if I didn’t look out for my cadets,” he replied. He added, a bit gentler, “Your secret is safe with me, [First]. But I can’t promise that others won’t find out.” 

“I know. But I appreciate you helping me out.” you replied. _What if Erwin finds out? When he finds out? How long can I keep this a secret? Can I even keep it a secret forever? How would he react if he knew about the baby? Would he leave me? Or would he remain with me, marrying me so the baby’s legitimate?_

_Will he be happy about a baby?_

_Or will he be disappointed?_


	4. The Third Month

“You did _what?”_ You were in Levi’s office, filing some of his paperwork for him.

“I thought it would be best if you were taken out of training, so I asked Hange if she would mind taking you in as an assistant,” he explained in a monotone, eyes fixed onto the paperwork he was reading over. 

“But why _Hange,_ of all people?! Why can’t I just stay with you?” you demanded. 

“Because Hange legitimately needs an assistant, whereas I don’t. And besides, I figured you would need time with someone that would understand pregnancy better than I do.” You sighed, shutting the cabinet door with a clatter. 

“I guess you’re right,” you said in resignation. “I’m just worried that she’ll ask me who the dad is, or try and fix the problems between him and I.” 

“Hange can be a dumbass, but she knows when to be serious and when to back off. She won’t if you outright tell her no,” Levi reassured you. You meekly nodded before plopping down onto his couch. 

“I hope so,” you murmured, stretching your body out. You ignored the short, curt knocks on Levi’s door and continued to stretch on his couch. 

“Name and business?” Levi called out, still focused on his paperwork. 

“It’s Erwin. I have some paperwork for you to fill out,” the deep, familiar voice ranged out. _Oh no, fuck fuck fuck._ Levi groaned. 

“Fine, come in.” You quickly sat up and went back to the filing cabinet, messing around with it as Erwin strode into the room. 

“What’s with all the fucking paperwork? Our next expedition isn’t for another few months,” Levi asked, distaste apparent in his voice. 

“I want us to get a head start on it so we aren’t cramming to get it all done the month of the expedition,” he answered. You could feel his eyes studying you as you pretended to be busy filing Levi’s papers. “Cadet [Last].” _God damn it._ You fought back a sigh and turned to face him, giving him a salute. 

“Commander Erwin,” you replied formally, awkward tension building in your stomach. He waved off your salute, and you dropped it. 

“I was wondering where you were holing yourself up,” he chuckled good-naturedly. You tried to laugh along with him, but the noise came out strangled and nervous. 

“Yeah, Captain Levi asked for my help with filing some of his older paperwork, and since I didn’t have training today, I thought I’d come and help him out,” you told him with a shrug, trying to play it off. 

“That’s very thoughtful of you, cadet,” he replied, his voice just as polite and formal as ever. He turned back to Levi. “I need those done by Friday morning, Levi.” 

“Got it,” he replied curtly. Erwin nodded to acknowledge him and then turned on his heel to leave. He shot you the smallest of looks before closing the door after him. “That wasn’t awkward at all,” Levi commented snarkily, leaning back in his chair and looking over to you. 

“You think that was bad for you?” you demanded, voice deadly quiet. 

“It was bad for everyone,” he replied. “I didn’t have pegged you down as a girl interested in older men, but I guess I was wrong.” You shot him a deadly glare, silently cursing him and his vaguely amused expression. 

“Go fuck yourself, sir,” you seethed. The corners of his lips turned up into a smile. 

“I’m going to assume that’s the pregnancy hormones talking and not you, so I’ll let it slide this one time,” he said jokingly, making you groan. 

“You’re right, I’m better off with Hange,” you said. 

“Of course I’m right,” he replied. “Speaking of, whenever you’re ready, you can go down to her office and start working. You’re done here for today.” 

“I, well.” You sighed, looking down at your feet. “I don’t know, maybe I should go talk to him. He didn’t look all that thrilled with me hanging out here.” 

“Do whatever you feel like you need to do,” he commented, getting to work on the new stack of paperwork. “I can’t tell you what to do or what not to in this situation.” You nodded weakly, staring down at the floor. _I haven’t really spoken to him in the past month; maybe now is the time to talk to him about all of this._ Just the thought of telling Erwin everything made you feel violently nauseous, and you tried to ignore it to the best of your abilities. 

“I-I’ll be back, sir,” you mumbled, standing up and leaving the quiet, clean office. With a sloth’s pace, you made your way to Erwin’s office. You had never felt so sick to your stomach before. _Come on, you saw how he looked at you. Even if you chicken out of telling him about the baby, you need to talk to him about your relationship,_ a voice in your head advised you. _After all, you’ve barely talked to him all month._

You knocked quietly on his door, breathing through your mouth to try and steady your breathing. 

“Name and business, please?” Erwin called out. 

“I-It’s Cadet [Last], sir. I would like to talk to you about something important.” You kicked yourself as your voice wavered. 

“Come in, [First],” he beckoned to you. You slid into his working space, locking the door behind you. You strode over to his sitting figure and plopped down onto his lap, nestling yourself into his body. 

“Long time no see,” you joked, trying to lighten the mood and calm yourself down. _I forgot how good it felt to be held by him,_ you sighed, relishing the feeling of his arms around you. Well, one of his arms. His left was wrapped around you, securing you in place while the other was still focused on writing something on a stack on paper. _Of course._

“You hardly ever spend time with me anymore,” he commented. You weren’t sure if you were picking up on a faint, accusatory note in his voice, or if it was something else. 

“I know, I’m sorry. I-I’ve just had some things I need to work out,” you explained, twirling some of your hair around your finger. 

“Have you worked things out?” he inquired. 

“S-sorta. I was . . . I was actually wanting to talk to you about some of it . . .” your voice trailed off into nothingness. You had never felt so sick in your life. 

“Can it wait? As much as I love talking and spending time with you, I need to finish these papers and have them mailed off to Wall Sina by tomorrow morning,” he asked. A sob almost ripped itself from your throat then and there. 

“Y-yeah, it can wait,” you replied quietly. _Why do you always do this?!_ you wanted to scream at him. _I get you have a very important job but I’m just as important! Stop spending all your time working and putting your job before me!_ Perhaps if you weren’t in such a delicate state, you would have yelled at him. But you were afraid of what he was going to say at your outburst. You were a nervous wreck, Erwin was busy and you knew from past experiences that arguing with him while he was working was a very, very bad idea. And besides, you two didn’t need a fight then and there. _Maybe I can talk to him tonight about this. It’s been a while since we’ve shared a bed and I miss cuddling._

“Thank you for being so understanding,” he said, kissing the top of your head. You weakly smiled. Not that he could see it. 

“Yeah, no problem,” you replied, nausea building up in your stomach and tears threatening to spring up and blur your vision. You got off him and kissed his cheek. 

“I told Hange I’d go help her with her paperwork. I’ll come back by tonight, okay?” you told him. He nodded. 

“That sounds perfect,” he replied. You turned on your heel and left his office, shutting the door quietly behind you. 

_God, that could have gone so much better,_ you moaned, dragging your feet as you walked. _I should tell him tonight if he’s not completely exhausted from the paperwork. I just wish he wouldn’t do this! I go in to get some love or talk to him and he’s all, “I have too much work to spend time with you.” Why does he do that? I know his job’s important, but I should be more important than it. How will I raise a baby with him if he keeps doing that? I’d be as good as a single mother._

_Maybe I should just be a single mother._

A few tears slid down your face, and you hastily wiped them away. No one could see you crying. _No, I can’t do that. I can’t raise a kid alone. I don’t even know if I can raise a kid, period. But I can’t do it alone. I just need to fix things up with Erwin, and hope once the baby comes and if we’re still together, he won’t put his work before us. Because based off of his track record right now, our kid will grow up being second to his job. And I won’t have that for him or her._


	5. The Fourth Month

The town that was close to the castle wasn't very big, but it did have a good market for buying supplies. And, best of all, it had a midwife that you could visit for your very first prenatal checkup.  
It wasn’t the easiest trip, though. Levi and Hange insisted you ride inside the supply wagon to "make sure the ropes and empty crates didn't fall out," but Erwin refused their request and made you ride a horse like everyone else. Levi distracted Erwin from the fact Hange couldn't stop glancing over her shoulder every five seconds to make sure you were okay. Ever since she had learned about your pregnancy, she became extremely protective of you and made sure you weren't overexerting yourself. And from her anxious looks, she classified horseback riding as something strenuous.

"Why does Squad Leader Hange keep looking back here?" Petra Ral wondered out loud, glancing over to you. 

"No idea," you lied, shrugging. _I hope I’ll have enough time for this visit. After all, supply trips seem to be fairly quick,_ you thought. _It would be a pain in the ass if it went over and we kept everyone back. Or even worse, they came looking for me._ "Hey Petra, how much time do you think this trip will take?" 

"Um, maybe two hours. It depends how long it'll take to some of the rarer supplies," she answered, and you had to fight down a breath of relief. _Good. I'll have enough time for my appointment._

An hour later, your group reached the town. In a blink of an eye, Hange was off of her horse and trying to help you down from yours. 

"Hange, quit it. People are gonna notice something's up," you hissed under your breath, noticing Petra and Gunther's curious looks. 

"They're gonna notice eventually. I'm not letting you do anything that I think is risky," she argued. 

"Tch. Keep your voices down," Levi said, approaching you two. "Hange, you're too fucking loud." 

"Sorry!" she exclaimed. Levi rolled his eyes, but noticed the look of worry on your face. “I’m sure they didn’t hear it, [First].” He didn’t wait for your response before walking over to Petra and Gunther to hand them a piece of paper. 

"I have other, confidential business to attend to while we're here. In addition to dropping off and picking up mail, you will have to do these errands. Got it?" he asked the two. 

"Yes, sir!" they said with a quick salute. He turned on his heel, walking to you and Hange. 

"All right, let's go or we'll be late. Hange, we'll be back in time to ride back with everyone," he said. She nodded in confirmation, and the three of you split up. You and Levi ducked behind some horses, slinking into an alley to make sure no one saw where you were going. 

"So, this midwife, she's . . . um, you know . . . legitimate?" you asked him. 

"Yes. I'm not taking you to some crazy bitch that grows a lot of shitty plants," he answered. "She's a real midwife with real training by real doctors. She used to work in Wall Sina until duty in Wall Rose called. I've known women that have gone to her, and they've all had healthy pregnancies." 

"Good," you breathed, feeling more relieved. "Thank you for doing all of this, Captain. I really appreciate it and I can never thank you enough." 

"It's nothing. You're my subordinate; it's my job to look after you," he replied, making a sharp turn down another alley. 

"It still means a lot to me," you told him. He didn't reply, and the rest of the short walk was silent. 

The midwife's clinic was tucked away from the bustling street, the entrance in an alley. You gave Levi a concerned look, but the one he gave you in return told you to calm down and that it was okay. He knocked and the door and a short, plump, matronly-looking woman answered the door. 

"Right on time as always, Levi!" the woman exclaimed cheerfully, embracing him. You giggled, and a deadly glare from him quickly shut him up. "And this must be the girl you mentioned in your letter, [First] [Last], correct?" 

"Yup, that's me," you said, shaking the woman's hand. 

"It's wonderful to meet you, [First]. I'm Jane, and I'll be making sure and the baby get through this pregnancy happy and healthy. Let's go head into the back room; first things first, we need to start your record," she said, beckoning for you and Levi to follow her. Despite the location, her place of business was very clean (and from Levi's faint look of approval, it was up to his insanely high standards). The back room looked well-equipped and like any other doctor's office that you had visited in the past, and that alone did wonders to calm your nerves. 

"Go sit down in the chairs; I need to ask you some questions before we start the physical," she commanded. You obeyed, while Levi leaned against a wall, leaving the free chair for Jane. She plopped down in it, a clipboard and quill in hand. "All right, so your full name, [First]?" 

"[First] [Middle] [Last]," you answered. 

"Age and birthday?" 

"I'm [age]. My birthday is [month] [day]." Jane quietly recorded the information. 

"Place of residence?" 

"The Survey Corps base not too far from here," you told her. 

"I can guess from the baggy clothes you're pretty far along, but do you know precisely how long?" 

“Um, I just entered my fourth month," you said. "That's as precise as I can get." She nodded, writing it down. 

"And I assume you’re a soldier?" 

"Yes." 

"How many sexual partners have you had in your life?" 

"I . . . Just one," you replied, feeling a warm blush creep onto your face. 

"And have you ever caught an STD, or been sick recently?" 

"No and no." She wrote it down. 

"Good. Now, what's the father's name?" Silence. 

"Um, I-I would rather not say," you replied. 

"I'm sorry, but I need a name. There's been a huge crackdown on accurate record keeping, so I need a name," she told you. 

"Can't we just sweep this under the rug?" Levi spoke up. 

"No. The last time I did that, I got found out and almost lost my license. I'm really sorry; normally I would keep it blank, but I can't risk losing this clinic." You bit your lip, staring at your feet. 

“Would they notice if we put a dead man’s name on it? I’m sure Farlan wouldn’t mind helping out from beyond the grave,” Levi suggested. 

“It’s been three years since he died. I’m almost certain they’d catch it,” she replied. A silence filled the room. _Can I afford to put Erwin’s name down? If this were to go public, he would have hell to pay. The Survey Corps may be getting more beloved, but we’re far from getting respect from every citizen. If people found out he got my pregnant, he could get fired. No. I can’t let him lose his job. He’s the best bet humanity’s got, and I have to make sure he stays commander and doesn’t fall victim to a scandal._

"Just put my name down," Levi sighed. 

_"What?!”_ you squeaked, looking at him with eyes as large as saucers. “No, sir, you don't have to -" 

"You and I both know the baby's real dad can't afford a scandal, if this were to become public. I, however, can. Just put it down, Jane," Levi interrupted. 

"But sir, this could end your career if people thought you really were the father!" you protested. 

"No it won’t. I have a bigger name and better reputation that him. I'd get demoted and probably put on probation, but I'd stay in the military because they can't afford to lose me, and that's all I care about," he replied coolly. 

“But this is an extremely risky move!” you protested. 

“It is,” he agreed. 

“Sir, I can’t let you do this -” 

“Look, you have no say over what I do, and you need help. Be thankful I’m putting my ass on the line for you,” he said heated, glaring at you. You glared right back at him. 

"All right," Jane said slowly, scribbling on her paper. "Father: Levi Ack-" 

"My birthday is December twenty-fifth and you know how old I am. My place of residence is the same as [First]'s, I'm also a soldier however my rank is captain, and I've had no sexual partners. However, the baby's real father has probably had at least two partners beside [First], so I'd put that down. I can't answer about STD's, and he hasn't been sick for long time," Levi said, making Jane hurried try to keep up with him. _At least two?_ you thought dejectedly. 

"Okay, good. Now, let's move onto the physical." 

*An Hour and a Half Later* 

"Sir, I can never thank you enough for everything -" 

"Stop thanking me. I'm doing what any decent person would do," he said, a hint of irritation in his voice. 

"Sorry. I'm just really touched by this. But I will I say that I’m wondering why you’re helping me out this much. And don’t feed me that bullshit story of ‘you’re my subordinate, I must help you at all costs.’" you impersonated him. 

“That is one of my reasons, believe it or not. Imagine, a regular person that tells the truth. Shocking,” he said sarcastically. “Look, I’m helping you because yes, it’s my duty, but the big factor behind it is that you’ve been royally screwed over by Erwin and he’s too much of a dumbass to realize what’s going on. Hange is smart, but as you saw she can get smothering when this sort of this happens. I doubt any of the other superiors would supportive or be able to help you through this, and you need someone with authority supporting you, and since you’re reluctant to tell your parents about this I’m guessing they won’t be supportive once they find out. So in short, I’m the only responsible adult figure that can support you right now and I’m going to do that job,” he explained. 

“I . . . I-I, sir, that’s really thoughtful of you,” you gushed, wanting to hug him and cry because you were so touched. “You know, you’re actually a really nice guy.” 

"Tch. That's just your hormones talking," he brushed it off. He stopped suddenly, grabbing your arm to halt you. 

"What is i-" 

"I know we're being followed," Levi said loudly, turning around while a jolt of feat shocked your system. _Oh no. Oh no no no no no. This is not good._ "Come out of the shadows and stop being a coward. Face me like man." Another jolt of fear shot through you as Erwin stepped out from his hiding place, looking none too pleased. 

"Might I ask you what you're doing in an alley with one of your subordinates, Levi?" Erwin demanded. 

"Tch. I think I should be the one asking you about what you do with your subordinates," Levi retorted. "I'm not blind, Erwin. I figured out what's been going on between you and [First]." Erwin put up his famous poker face, but you could tell he was not happy that Levi had found out the secret you two had both tried so hard to keep down. 

"Oh really?" he replied, cool as a cucumber. 

"It's kind of obvious," Levi said bluntly. 

"That still doesn't answer my question of why you're with [First] in an alley instead of doing errands," Erwin pointed out. Levi's steel eyes flitted to you, silently questioning you. 

"I . . . I-it's my fault, sir," you piped up shakily. "I, um, I've found myself in a medical predicament and Captain Levi was kind enough to take me to, um, a person with medicinal training." 

"'Medical predicament?'" Erwin repeated, raising a bushy eyebrow. You felt like you were going to throw up. 

"I . . . uh . . . I . . . well, we, y-you and I . . . er . . . I'm in the family way," you stammered. For once, you couldn't see past Erwin's poker face and it unnerved you to no end. 

"You're pregnant?" he asked as if he needed the words explicitly. 

"Yeah. I'm pregnant," you told him. 

Silence. 

"We'll discuss this once we get back to base," he said, sternly but not harshly. He didn’t wait for you two, walking ahead back towards the main street. Your lip quivered, staring at his back. 

“There’s no use in worrying about it now,” Levi told you, but you ignored him. The already bad nausea in your stomach grew worse, and you didn’t feel better telling Erwin. 

In fact, from the way he acted, you felt worse. 

*Back at Base*

“C-Commander, it’s Cadet [Last]. You wanted to see me, sir,” you knocked shakily on Erwin’s door, trying to keep your composure. It wasn’t working. 

“Come in and lock the door behind you,” he instructed. You took a sharp, ragged breath before entering the office and obeying his demand. He sat behind his desk, eyes boring into your own [e/c] ones. You sat down in the visitor’s chair, skin crawling. You felt like a cadet receiving punishment for misbehaving (although that was kind of true, if you were being honest with yourself). “Who else knows about this?” 

“Just Levi, Hange, and the midwife I went to for a prenatal check-up. No one else,” you told him. 

“And how far along are you? About three or four months?” 

“Four.” He was quiet, staring into you. It didn’t help calm your nerves. 

“This is the last thing I want you to do, but I think you should resign from the Scouting Legion, [First],” he told you slowly. 

“What?! Erwin, I can’t do that! I belong here! I may be pregnant, but I still have a job to do!” you argued. 

“I won’t allow you to train or go on the expedition while you’re in this condition. You’ll get yourself and the baby hurt. You should go home to your parents and raise the baby there,” he said. 

“You and I both know I can’t do that. What about my parents? They’ll kill me if they find out! And my brother and sister! They look up to me; I can’t go back! I’ll be setting a horrible example!” 

“[First] -” 

“Even if I could move back in with my parents, why are you sending me away to where you’ll never see me or the baby, and where you can’t help me raise it?” you spat at him, hurt by his suggestion. “Just give me an administrative job! Let me file paperwork; let me be Levi’s assistant, or something! I can’t raise this kid on my own!” 

“I never said you were going to raise the child on your own,” he clarified. “But I don’t think military bases are good places to raise children.” 

“Well maybe you should’ve thought of that before you came in me!” you snapped at him. 

“You could have told me you didn’t want me to,” he shot back. 

“It’s all your fault I’ve got a bun in the oven and now you want me to just move away where you’re never going to see me again?! I swear to God, sometimes I think you don’t even love me!” Everything seemed to freeze, even the tears rolling down your face. Nothing moved, not shifted. It was absolute silence in this frozen room. 

“[First], you know that’s not true,” he said quietly, standing up and walking to you. “You know I love you.” 

“Then fucking act like it,” you sniffled. “You always put your work above me and I hate it. I feel like I’m just something on the side.” 

“I’m sorry you feel like that,” he replied, grabbing your hand. “You have to realize I have a very important job -” 

“I know that and I accepted it the day we started this relationship. But it’s like, when we’re cuddling you’ll be reading reports or during our private breakfasts you’ll be making formation changes. I just hate that you bring in your job into moments that should be intimate. It makes me upset and feel underappreciated.” 

“I appreciate you a lot, [First]. I’ll stop doing that if it makes you happy,” he gave in, kissing the top of your head. 

“It would make me very happy,” you replied, relief slowly starting to fill your system. He motioned for you to stand up. You did, and he pulled you into a warm embrace. 

“I really don’t think you should stay here during your pregnancy, but if it’s what you really want, I’ll let you have an administrative job. After all,” he chuckled as you internally celebrated your victory. “With the expedition coming up soon, I’ll need a lot of help with all the paperwork.”


	6. The Fifth Month

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell us you were pregnant!” Nifa exclaimed, eyes as big as the moon. “May I?” she added, pointing to your stomach.

“Oh, sure!” you replied. She put her hands on your stomach, gently patting the baby bump. 

“I’m glad you’re able to stay with the Corps during this,” Petra said, putting her hand on your shoulder as if to reassure you that this was the right decision. 

“Yeah, me too,” you agreed. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if I had to go live with my parents again.” 

“You don’t have a good relationship with them?” Nifa asked, now putting her head on your stomach. 

“Eh, this pregnancy would piss them off. It’s just better that I remain here,” you shrugged. “And besides, this way I can stay and help everyone prepare for the expedition next month.” 

“True. We’ll need all the help we can get,” Petra said. “I still can’t believe this is our first expedition in almost a year.” 

“Well, considering what happened during the last one, I guess the higher-ups weren’t so sure we should be let outside the walls again,” Nifa pointed out. She stood up straight, giving your stomach one last pat. “I mean, we lost so many people. Hell, we lost Ilse Langnar’s whole squad and she was one of our most capable squad leaders.” 

“Yeah. But hopefully we can accomplish a lot with this one and show everyone that we’re making progress,” Petra replied optimistically. 

“I hope so. The last thing we need is the dissolution of the Survey Corps,” you commented. 

“I’m sure we’ll make a breakthrough this time around,” Nifa said as footsteps joined you three in the hallway. “Hello, Commander!” She waved to him, a bright smile on her face. 

“Good afternoon, girls,” he said genially. He placed his hand on your shoulder. “[First], I need some help with filing paperwork.” 

“Oh, of course, sir!” you said with a nod. You glanced at your friends. “I’ll catch up with you guys at dinner.” 

“All right. See you later, [First]!” Petra said. You and Erwin left with a small wave, heading up to his office. 

“How’re you and the child doing?” he asked. 

“Good,” you replied. “It’s just kinda weird, with the bump really showing now.” 

“You’ve gotten a lot of comments?” 

“Well, not a _lot._ I mean, I’ve definitely gotten more weird looks than I have comments.” 

“Has anyone asked who the father was?” A pang of irritation hit your heart. 

“Yeah, I’ve had one or two that asked. I just told them it was none of their business,” you replied with a shrug. 

“Good. I was just wondering if you were having a hard time with the other soldiers,” he explained. He unlocked the door to his office and let you in first. 

“No. It is weird though not having extensive training every day. Hange’s keeping me active with small things, like running around and handing out paperwork and organizing files. Nothing too big though. I think she thinks that if I do something mildly exerting that I’m gonna lose the baby or something.” 

“It’s better to be safe than sorry,” he said, shutting the door behind him. “Can you go through the physical files and sort them into piles according to if they’re able to go on the expedition next month or not? 

“Sure,” you said, sitting in his visitor’s chair and getting to work on the large pile of papers. 

“Thank you.” He sat down in his armchair, getting to work on paperwork. 

“How long is this expedition going to be, again?” you asked. 

“Two weeks,” he replied curtly. 

“And then you’ll be back?” 

“That’s when we’re scheduled to return,” he corrected you. “I can’t promise you I’m going to return.” 

“I know,” you murmured, looking down. 

“If I don’t come back, I’ve made arrangements so you’re not left on your own. You’re my sole benefactor in my will.” 

“You _what?”_ you inquired. 

“If I die on this expedition, you’ll have some money to help you support the child. It should be enough to support you for a while, but it won’t cover all of the costs that come with having a child,” he told you. 

“God, I don’t even want to start thinking of expenses,” you groaned, trying to change the subject. The last thing you wanted to think about was Erwin not returning from the expedition. “Hange’s promised to make toys for the baby, but it’s Hange so I’m a little apprehensive about it.” Erwin smirked. 

“I don’t blame you,” he replied. 

“I don’t know, I’m just a little apprehensive about finances, but with the both of us working, I’m sure we’ll be fine,” you shrugged, putting another file into the “eligible” pile. 

“You’re wanting to work after you give birth?” he asked. 

“Well, duh. I mean, I still have a place in the Survey Corps,” you told him. “I figured I’d get one of the cadets or something to babysit while I train, given they have nothing else going on.” Sighing deeply, Erwin put his pen down and gave you that famous poker face. Your face grew dark, staring right back at him. 

“A military base isn’t a good place to raise a child, [First],” he began as if he were scolding a little girl. 

“It’s not ideal, but I’m not giving up my job just because I’ve popped out a baby,” you argued, anger flaring up in the pit of your stomach. “I mean, it’s better than me living off in some tiny house somewhere far away from you. I’ll be close to you and -” 

“I would rather have you close but we are not raising the child on base. They could cause distractions and even with help, it’s unrealistic,” he pointed out. “We could get a house in the village nearby so I’m not too far away from you both, but I won’t allow you to raise the child on base.” 

“But -” 

“I’m not negotiating with you on this. The child isn’t being raised on this base.” The image of his stern face blurred and swirled as tears distorted your vision. 

“Then what am I going to -” 

“I thought it would be best if you left the Survey Corps after you have the child,” he said. 

“B-but I’m needed here. I have a job to do,” you sniffled. 

“[First], you’re a good soldier but I can’t let you raise a child here. A military base isn’t a nurturing environment for children and the fact is we can’t both be in the Survey Corps; it’s too dangerous. What if we both died on an expedition? No one would be left to -” 

“Erwin,” 

“No, [First]. I’m not going to compromise with you on this,” he said with an air of finality. You bit your lip, trying to stop it from quivering. You threw a folder down onto his desk and stormed out, wiping up your tears with the sleeve of your blouse. He didn’t follow you; he didn’t even call out. _Why would he? He’s an expert in treating me like this,_ you thought cynically, throwing the door to your room wide open before slamming it shut. _God, why can’t I just stay here and keep an administrative job? I don’t want to raise this baby away from him! What kind of childhood would our baby have, their father just visiting on weekends, or less frequently? I don’t want to live somewhere where he won’t be able to see us often. I know he’s right: this isn’t a good place to rear children, but my other options are worse._ A sob escaped your throat. _This_ is _probably what’s best, but it’s still a shitty option. I just feel like he’s pushing me away again, basically making me go live off-base. I hate him. I hate him for being right about this. I just wish there was a better way for us to live together and raise the baby._


	7. The Sixth Month

_And there goes my harness. I guess no more wearing that,_ you thought, shoulders slumped and lungs heaving after a long fight with your maneuver gear harness. Your baby bump was too big for you to wear the supple straps and leather apron. Which you kind of liked; with your bigger shirts and looser leggings, your uniform was actually pretty comfy. And now that it was impossible to wear your harness, you could be even comfier without the straps digging into your skin.

_God, I’ve really gotten big,_ you realized, turning to the side so you could see your bump in the mirror in front of you. The bump stuck out like a sore thumb, but you liked it. It was fun to see how big your baby was growing. _I don’t see how I can get bigger than this,_ you thought, tenderly resting your hands on the bump. _I still have a ways to go until I’m due. And then I’ll finally get to meet you, my little, perfect, precious bun._

“The Survey Corps is approaching! All medical staff get ready to help transport the wounded! Everyone get downstairs now! They’ll be here any moment! ” A cadet ran through the hallways, yelling at the top of his lungs as he hurtled past your room and further down the hall. You squealed in delight, excitement boiling in your stomach. 

“Come on, let’s go see Daddy,” you whispered to your baby, patting your stomach before hurrying out of the room. The cadet came back down the hall running, still yelling. 

“Hey! You! Did you -” 

“Yeah, I heard you. I’ll be down to help the squad leaders and the Commander organize everyone,” you told him. 

“Yeah, wherever he is,” the boy commented before continuing his trek through the base to alert the soldiers who were left behind. _“Wherever he is?” What’s that supposed to mean?_ A sick dread rose like a tsunami in your body. _No, no. He has to be in the crowd. Surely the boy didn’t see him? Yeah, that’s got to be the case,_ you thought, hurrying downstairs to the mess hall. The messenger had been right; the rest of the Corps had been fast approaching and they were piling into the room, getting ready to go through and record who had survived and who had not. You looked around, trying to find Erwin. 

You could see Mike’s mess of blond hair poking out from above the crowd, as did Hange’s. But Erwin’s own carefully combed blond head was out of sight. _Maybe he’s sitting down. After all, he’s got to be exhausted,_ you thought. Vomit threatened to burn your mouth, your stomach churning like a sea during a storm. Whether it was because of morning sickness or dread you couldn’t tell. You had to fight yourself not to call out to him as you pushed through the crowd, trying to find him. _Where is he? Why can’t I find him?! M-maybe I’m just running in circles. Yeah, that has to be it. He’s got to be here somewhere. He just has to be._

“[First]?” You felt a hand grip your upper arm as a familiar baritone voice flooded your ears. 

“Oh, thank God,” you said, voice cracking. “Captain, I’m trying to find the Commander. You rode with him, Mike, and Hange back here, right? I-I didn’t -” 

“Tch. You look like shit right now; you’ve got no business being down here,” he interrupted, resting his hands on your shoulder. “Come on, I’ll help you to your room.” 

“No, I need to be down here. I need to see him, and besides, I have to help with the whole recording who’s alive thing -” 

“I’ll take over it. You look like you need to lie down and take a nap,” he said sternly, hands pushing at your body. You refused to move. 

“Captain, I can’t let you do that. That doubles the amount of work you have to do. And I’m fine; in fact I just woke up from a nap. Now come on, tell me where he is,” you said, heart pounding painfully in you chest. Hange approached you two quickly, trying to mask the concern on her face. _What’s going on? Why won’t anyone tell me anything?!_

“[First], you looked awfully tired. I think Levi’s right. Let’s go take a nap. I’m sure Levi would love to cuddle with you,” she teased. He rolled his eyes. 

“I’m not into that whole ‘having to sleep next to another person’ thing,” he commented. 

“Aw, come on! You gotta have one excepti -” 

“No.” Hange sighed, giving a melodramatic look of resignation. 

“Well fine. But come on, [First], you should lie down for a bit.” Her arm snaked across your shoulders and forcefully pushed you forward. Levi’s hand on your lower back kept you from stopping. 

“I just woke up from a nap!” you argued. 

“You still look like shit. Go back to bed and I’ll take over for you,” Levi said through his teeth. 

“Captain, Squad Leader, why won’t you just tell me where he is?” You turned around, grasping Levi’s shoulders as if you were drowning and he was a life preserver. Tears glossed over your eyes. “You’re scaring me. Please, just tell me what’s going on.” 

“I’ll tell you when you’re lying in bed. Now come on, [First]. My patience is running thin,” Levi said through gritted teeth. 

And that’s when you saw him. 

His uniform torn and bloody, Erwin lied on one of the stretchers, eyes closed. Your breath got lodged in your throat, refusing to move as your tears spilled down your cheeks. 

“No, no,” you whispered, instinctively moving towards him. Levi caught you, arm under your breasts as he dragged you away. 

“He’s alive, and if you would fucking come with me I could explain -” 

“No, I need to see him! I need to be with him!” you fought with Levi, struggling against his strong grip. Hange covered your mouth, blocking out your cries and sobs as the two dragged you into a nearby hallway and up into Levi’s office. You choked for air, trying to desperately break free. _I need to see him! I need to be with him! He needs me! I need him!_ Levi and Hange all but threw you into Levi’s office, shutting and locking the door behind them. 

“Jesus Christ woman, if I didn’t know any better I’d guess you _wanted_ to out Erwin as your baby daddy,” Levi growled, forcing you to sit on his couch. 

“He needs me! He’s hurt and you just expect me to go with you and away from him?!” you screamed back. 

“Before he passed out he asked us to keep you away from him. He didn’t want you to see him like that and honestly it was a smart move. If you had your way, every person with a brain would figure out what was up between you to, with you crying over his body,” Levi said. 

“You two calm down. The secret’s safe and Erwin’s going to survive; everything’s fine,” Hange said soothingly, as if trying to calm down wild animals. Levi glared at her but said nothing. Hange sat down beside you, putting an arm around your shoulders. 

“Erwin got hurt saving a few of our fellow soldiers’ lives. I know it looked bad, but he’s going to make it through this, and then everything will be okay again.” You sniffled, avoiding their eyes. _Is it really? Is everything really going to be okay?_

“D-do you know when he’s gonna want to see us?” you asked. 

“I don’t know exactly when, but I know once he’s healed he’ll want to check up on you and the baby,” she said. “But, he did request that you don’t go visit him in the infirmary. Do you think you can do that?” _No._ But despite of your mental response, you nodded slowly. 

“I don’t want to, but I don’t really have a choice, do I?” you questioned, your voice hollow. 

“It’s what’s best in this situation, [First],” Levi said, opening one of his desk drawers and pulling out a large bottle and some glasses. He poured something pungent and blood red into the glass, filling it to the brim. “You want some, Hange?” 

“Hell yes I do,” she sighed, leaning back into the sofa. “I need something before we go take a proper body count.” 

“What about you, [First]?” he asked. 

“I’m pregnant,” you said coldly. 

“I’m well aware of that, but that doesn’t answer my question. Do you want wine or not?” he asked. 

“You can’t have alcohol when you’re pregnant, Levi,” Hange said, accepting the glass he gave to her. 

“Of course they can, I’ve seen it all the time,” he said, dragging his chair over to the sofa so he could sit and drink with you two. 

“Yeah, and you’ve also probably seen pregnant drug addicts too, I’ll bet,” Hange retorted. “It might be a shock to learn, but here in the above ground settlements of the Walls, it’s known that drinking while pregnant isn’t the best for the baby. Although I’m sure in moderation would be fine,” she added as an afterthought, taking a drink. 

“I’m fine. It doesn’t smell good to me, anyway,” you grimaced. 

“Suit yourself,” Levi said, taking a sip from his wine glass. He sighed, looking down at his feet. You bit your lip. As much as you missed the two, all of a sudden you craved to be alone. You stood up, making towards the door. 

“I think I’m gonna go take a nap,” you said quietly, shutting the door behind you and hurrying off to your dorm room. The image of Erwin’s bloodied and battered body haunted your mind. _Is this really the life I want for my baby? Is a life of death and pain and anguish what I want for them,_ you wondered, entering your room and sitting down at your desk. _Do I want my child to be raised with soldiers? I want the baby to be close to their daddy, but can I raise them in this environment with a good conscious?_

_And what happens if Erwin doesn’t come back? How can I tell them that their daddy isn’t coming home? How will I be able to cope with his loss? I don’t want to do this alone, but maybe breaking it off with him would be what’s best. Ask to be discharged, leave the Corps, find a nice place in Wall Rose and raise the baby in a safe environment. Save the two of us from more pain. But I can’t drag the baby into this life. I just can’t do it, and if that means severing all ties, I’ll do it. I’m going to do whatever’s best for the baby or die trying._


	8. The Seventh Month

Despite Hange’s claims of Erwin getting better soon, it took him nearly a month to get better. Hell, a month later and he _still_ wasn’t completely healed. But he was well enough to be out of the infirmary and back in his office. He was still reluctant to let you see him though, which he justified by the fact doctors and nurses were in and out of his office and bedroom all of the time just to make sure he was okay.

“I mean, it’s like he’s just trying to keep me away! I’ve only seen nurses leave his room twice in the past four days!” you complained to Hange, handing her a magnifying glass as she worked observing some old documents in her lab. 

“He probably just needs some time to himself. He did almost die, you know,” she rationalized. 

“I know. But I just thought that he’d be a bit more loving with me with the near-death experience,” you explained with a shrug. 

“Erwin’s just not the type for physical affection. I’m not even his girlfriend and I know that,” Hange said. 

“I’d beg to differ about that but you have a point,” you commented. 

“He’s a man and he has needs I won’t deny that, but you know what I meant,” Hange told you. “Can you hand me the step ladder so I can grab a book of of the top shelf?” 

“Yeah, sure.” You stood up and crossed the lab, grabbing the small wooden ladder. The heavy wooden door of Hange’s lab creaked open and Levi strided into the room. 

“Hey Captain Short Stack, can you get on that step ladder and get me a book? Oh wait, you’re so short that even the ladder won’t help you,” Hange teased him, giving him a devilish look. 

“Fuck off Shitty Glasses,” he replied coldly. “I’m here for [First].” 

“She’s in the middle of something,” Hange replied. 

“Erwin wants to see her,” Levi said. _It’s about time,_ you thought, perking up. Hange nodded and shut her book. 

“Well I can’t keep a father away from his baby. I’ll see you later, [First],” Hange said, taking the step ladder out of your hands and walking to her large bookcase. 

“It probably won’t take long, Squad Leader,” you reassured her. “I’ll be back before you know it.” 

“I doubt it,” Levi commented, folding his arms in front of his chest. “Erwin had a whole bunch of paperwork on his desk with your name on it.” 

“Seriously? Great. Paperwork sounds like so much fun right now,” you said sarcastically, joining Levi’s side. He lead you out into the hall and the two of you began the trek up to the third floor to Erwin’s office. 

“You’re getting big,” Levi observed, eyeing your baby bump. 

“I’m seven months pregnant, of course I’m huge,” you replied, waddling beside him. 

“No shit. It’s just weird seeing your stomach so fucking big,” he said. 

“Well, to be honest it’s kinda weird thinking there’s a baby in there,” you admitted, patting your bump. “I’m not exactly looking forward to pushing the kid out of my vagina, though.” 

“As long as you’ve got doctors on hand to help you if something goes wrong, I’m sure you’ll be fine.” 

“Well, if everything goes according to plan, Jane will be with me. If not, I’ve got Hange and at least she can knock me out for the delivery,” you said. 

“Would you really trust Hange to deliver your baby?” he inquired, raising an eyebrow. 

“I’d trust her to get me higher than a kite so I don’t feel a thing,” you replied. “I could always have you deliver the baby,” you laughed. He shuddered, rolling his eyes. 

“I’d rather be shot in the head than deliver your baby,” he deadpanned. 

“Too dirty?” you said in a teasing tone. 

“Would _you_ want to deliver a baby?” he retorted. 

“No. I guess I get your point. Such a shame too. I wanted you to bring my kid into the world,” you said sarcastically. 

“There’s not enough money in the world to make me want to deliver a baby or have my hands near anyone’s genitals,” he said. He rapped on Erwin’s door sharply, foot tapping impatiently. _Seriously? We just got here,_ you thought. “It’s Levi. I brought [First].” 

“Send her in. I need you back in here in a moment, Levi. Just wait outside the door,” Erwin said. 

“Got it,” he said, turning on his heel. You opened the door and slipped inside of Erwin’s office. _He doesn’t look very thrilled to see me,_ you observed silently. Erwin’s face was dead serious, far more serious than you had ever seen him before. 

“Is everything all right?” you asked, shutting the door behind you and walking towards him. 

“Sit down, [First],” he said sternly. 

“I . . . okay,” you said, sitting down in the visitor’s chair. _What in the world is up with him? He’s never spoken that coldly to me before._

“I got the name of your midwife and requested a copy of your file,” he said, picking up a small folder from his desk. “I wanted to keep up with how you were health-wise since you never tell me anything -” 

“Is this about that abnormal reading? Erwin, it happened once and it hasn’t come up since. Jane just thinks it was something wrong with her machine,” you said, trying to calm him down. _God, he must really be on edge if he’s having a fit because of a reading I had months ago,_ you thought. Despite your attempt to calm him down, he looked just as tense as ever. 

“No, this isn’t about that,” he told you, getting up. “I was reading through your file and I glanced at the general information. [First], why is Levi listed as the baby’s father?” 

“Wait, what?” you asked. _What’s he talking about?_ “What do you mean, Captain’s listed as the father?” 

“Don’t act like you don’t know,” he said, slamming the folder down onto the desk in front of you, icy blue eyes challenging you to open the file. You opened the file and read through the patient information. _Oh yeah, I forgot about Captain insisting he be put down as the dad,_ you remembered. 

“Jane needed a name for the father since it’s law to list both parents on this kind of thing, and I couldn’t put you down so Captain Levi offered to put his name down instead to water down the scandal in case the information somehow got leaked,” you explained. Erwin didn’t look convinced. The nerves in your stomach began to flare as uneasiness crawled through your body. 

“[First], you spend a lot of time with Levi, don’t you?” he asked. 

“I guess I do. I spend more time with Squad Leader Hange if we’re being realistic here, but I guess I spend a lot of time with Captain Levi too,” you shrugged. “So what if I do? What, do you think I’m having an affair or something?” 

“To be blunt, yes,” he replied. 

“Whoa whoa whoa. Okay first off, the Captain’s a little old for me, Erwin. The guy’s nice-looking, I’ll admit that, but he’s like three times my age.” 

“He’s thirty-two and he’s four years younger than I am,” Erwin replied coldly. 

“Is he? I didn’t know what,” you said, trying to keep a brave face on. 

“I know I wasn’t the best boyfriend but I tried and I did my best to make you happy and know you were loved. And I want to know why you took up with Levi.” 

“I’m not in a relationship with the Captain and I’ve never been involved with him. I would consider him a good friend, but I’ve never dated or had sex with him. The thought kinda grosses me out, to be honest,” you replied. _How can he sit here and accuse me of cheating on him?! The thought’s disgusting and I can’t believe he thinks I’d do such a thing!_

“I find that hard to believe,” Erwin said. “Just give me some answers, [First]. That’s all I want.” 

“I’m telling you I’m not having an affair with Captain Levi. There’s your answer,” you said angrily, eyes narrowing at your boyfriend. “Call Captain Levi in here. He’ll assure you we’re not having an affair.” 

“Do you really think I’d trust Levi’s word in this? He has a motive to cover up whatever you two have done.” 

“We haven’t done anything! Captain Levi is my friend and my confidante but that doesn’t mean I’m sleeping with him! Erwin, can you even hear how stupid you sound right now? You’re spouting hateful nonsense and it’s really pissing me off,” you tried to appeal to him, hoping he’d realize he was blinded by jealousy. But no, Erwin stayed steadfast in his cold stares and deluded beliefs. You sighed in exasperation, rolling your eyes. 

“Captain, get in here,” you yelled, turning around to face the door. Levi sauntered into the room, arms folded across his chest and face drawn into a scowl. I wonder if he was eavesdropping on our conversation. The thought crossed your mind as Levi plopped into the visitor’s chair, giving Erwin a dark look. 

“Why do you want me here?” he asked pointedly, crossing his legs. 

“I want to know why you’re listed as the father of [First]’s child,” Erwin said, sliding the folder across the desk. Levi ignored it, rolling his eyes. 

“I had the midwife put me down as the dad because I knew if you were listed and somehow the information got public, it’d cause a scandal and you’d be removed from your post. I put myself down to save your ass from getting in trouble for screwing around with my subordinate,” he explained, adding the last part spitefully. 

“And because she’s your subordinate, I want to make sure nothing illicit is going -” 

“Erwin, for the love of God, I’m not into sex, let alone sex with some childish brat like her,” he said, jerking his head towards you. 

“Hey!” you exclaimed, glaring at him. 

“That still doesn’t explain your close relationship with her,” Erwin said. “For all I know you two have been going behind my b -” 

_“I’m asexual._ I have absolutely no drive to get my dick wet, unlike you. And even though I am capable of feeling romantic attraction, I still wouldn’t go for [First] because she’s barely an adult and she’s my subordinate,” Levi said, eyes staring daggers into Erwin’s blue ones. “The fact you’re even suggesting I’d sleep with one of my soldiers and one that’s been involved with you is disgusting and an insult to the both of us. [First] doesn’t have a dishonest bone in her body and because you’ve been too caught up in work Hange and I have had to step up and help [First] with her pregnancy. I’m not going to sit here and be insulted like this. Because of your incompetence I’ve had to step up to a role I shouldn’t have to fill and now you’re accusing me of screwing around when all I’ve done is help your girlfriend with her pregnancy. Grow a pair and start acting like a man instead of a coward.” Your heart dropped through the floor as Levi stood up and stormed out of the office. _Oh God, why did he do that? He’ll have just made everything worse,_ you thought, but part of you felt relief. Levi said what you had been thinking, but given Erwin’s deadly calm face, it was the wrong things to say. 

“I -” 

“You’re dismissed, [First],” Erwin said, his voice deadly quiet. You sat there, staring back at him. You had never seen him look so cold before and to a degree it frightened you. But no, all you could feel was rage that you were here in the first place, having to defend yourself against your boyfriend who was so entrenched in his own delusions he couldn’t see the truth. You remembered yours and Hange’s conversation months ago, telling you you needed to talk to Erwin and how your relationship was unhealthy. In that moment, you realized you needed to do what should have been done months ago. In the moment, you decided enough was enough. 

“You know what, Erwin? I’m not leaving. I’m not done talking with you yet. Now here’s the deal: I care about you a lot. I love you and I would like to have this baby with you. I know you’ve been trying to be a better boyfriend and I appreciate that, but you haven’t been getting better and this is just the tip of the mountain. I can’t believe you’d really think I was cheating on you with someone I consider a friend. Someone we _both_ consider a friend. This relationship has been unhealthy since day one.” You took a deep breath to steady your nerves. “I want you to be involved in mine and the baby’s life. But if you keep acting like this, I’m not going to raise a kid with you. 

“And this isn’t to say I’m completely blameless in this relationship. I’ve kept secrets and my true feelings from you in the past. We’re both to blame for this current situation. I think we should take a break from each other. Just for a month, and then we’ll talk and see if we want to still be together. I think if we talk right now, nothing will go well. But our relationship is fucked up and we need to fix it. Some time apart might help us clear our heads.” He remained silent, his eyes critical and penetrating as he stared at you. Your heart was racing and it felt like all of the weight in the world had been lifted from your shoulders. You could feel your child’s feet lightly tapping your stomach as if to say, “You go Mom! You tell ‘im! Kick unhealthiness to the curb!” Erwin sighed, glancing down at his desk before looking up at you, a look of resignation on his face. 

“I think you make a very valid point, [First], and I agree with you. Let’s split up for now and in a month once we _both_ get our heads cleared,” he agreed. You gave him a curt nod, standing up. 

“I’ll see you around, I guess,” you said, standing up. 

“If anything major happens with the baby, I’d still like to know,” he requested, standing up and walking over to your side of the desk. 

“Of course,” you nodded. He put out his hand to you and once you took it, he shook your hand. 

“One month from now we’ll talk about us,” he said. 

“One month,” you repeated with a curt nod. As you walked out of his office, you couldn’t help but feel relieved you had finally spoken your mind. And yet a hollow feeling grew in your heart as you walked back to Hange’s lab. _No. No, I made the right choice. We need some alone time, and then we can talk and if we get back together, we can focus on making our new relationship healthy. For us and for the baby._


	9. The Eighth Month

You sat at your desk, looking down at the blank piece of paper sitting in front of you, begging to have words written upon it. Worry seized your intestines and squeezed them uncomfortably. _Shit, I can’t do this,_ you thought, staring at the paper as if words would magically appear on them. It had been months since you had heard from your family and although you were terrified, you figured it was time to write to them. _I . . . If I do this, I’ll secure a good life for the baby. Even if it means putting myself back in my parents’ home._

  


Dear Mom and Dad, 

I’m glad to hear my siblings are feeling better from their illness. How are you two doing? I hope you haven’t caught whatever they had. I hope you’re all doing well. 

I was not sent on the expedition a few months ago, so you two don’t have to worry if I’m dead or not. I remained behind, safe on base. I’m writing to let you know I may be coming home soon. I’m pregnant and I may be discharged so I can have the baby. I’ve been allowed to stay on base for my pregnancy with an administrative job which I may or may not be able to keep, but I’m concerned about raising a child on a military base. I know that you are all very disappointed in me, but I need somewhere to stay for a bit until I can find my own place as well as someone to take care of the baby while I work. The baby’s father is a fellow soldier and he and his family are unable to provide for us. You are my last hope. 

Please write back soon, 

[First] 

  


_This feels so wrong, but it’s for the best,_ you thought as you sealed the letter in an envelope and placed it under your ink pot. _I just hope they’ll be willing to help me with the baby. Knowing them, it could go either way._ You tenderly patted your stomach as if for reassurance. Your baby kicked as if to say, “Everything will be okay, Mama! Just hang in there!” Standing up, you made for the door and started walking down to the mail crate full of letters to be sent out the next day. 

Only a week had passed since you and Erwin had sort of broken up and you took it upon yourself to get prepared for having the baby without him, just in case. You loved him, but it would be unrealistic of you to assume you’d be getting back together. You needed a fallback, just in case. And besides, you didn’t know anything about raising a baby. Even though you’d be with your family again, you’d get help with raising the baby and learn the do’s and don’ts of parenting. You doubted Erwin was ready to be a father, let alone knew how to be one. It was obvious you two (or just you) would need help in raising the child. But you needed somewhere to stay that wasn’t on base in the meantime. 

_Whether Erwin and I get back together isn’t important. Right now I need to make sure my baby has a secure future,_ you thought. You reached the mess hall and placed the letter into the crate tenderly. _There. I’m done with it. Now all I have to do is wait._

“[First]! [First]!” Nifa’s voice cut through the silent mess hall, the pitter-patter of her feet echoing around the large room. “Squad Leader Zoe asked me to come get you. She needs help with something and Moblit’s busy with training again.” 

“All right. So what am I helping her with?” you asked, following Nifa outside. 

“She wants to test flare guns. She made a new flare recipe and she wants to make sure it works better than the old ones,” Nifa replied. “I’d help her out but Commander Erwin’s having me help him distribute expedition paperwork and file everything.” 

“Is he now?” you inquired, a surge of jealousy boiling your blood. _No, he wouldn't cheat on you. Stop being so paranoid._

“Yeah. He’s been in a weird mood lately. I’d prefer helping Hange out but I can’t,” Nifa shrugged. 

“‘A weird mood?’” you asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Yeah. He’s very quiet and seems kind of short-tempered. I don’t blame him, though. If I had to write up all of this paperwork I’d be upset too.” Nifa lead you into a clearing. Hange, Levi, Petra, and Erd stood by a box, casually chatting. Hange waved you two over. 

“Thanks for going to get her, Nifa,” Hange said. “Tell Erwin I’ll have the paperwork done by tomorrow morning.” 

“Yes, Squad Leader,” Nifa replied, saluting quickly before jogging back to base. Hange handed you a clipboard and a stick of lead. 

“Just write down my notes, okay?” she asked. You nodded. “Okay, Levi, Petra, Erd, go take those flare guns and fan out. [First] and I are going to take notes. Remember, fire flare gun A before moving onto B.” 

“Got it, Hange,” Erd said as Petra and Levi nodded their heads. The three went in all different directions, fanning out through the forest. Hange waited until they were a few meters away before speaking up. 

“How are you doing, [First]?” she asked concernedly. 

“All right. Just dealing with frequent bathroom breaks and the baby kicking hard,” you shrugged, trying to play it like it was no big deal. 

“How are you doing without Erwin?” she asks. You looked down, shrugging again. 

“I’m fine. I wrote to my parents about taking me and the baby in. We need a place to stay for a bit, and - wait Hange there’s a flare.” Both of you looked up, looking at two yellow flares soaring through the sky. Hange gave you a few notes to jot down. 

“Okay, once those flares die down Erd will launch the red ones next,” Hange said, turning back to you. “And what do you mean, you wrote your parents about living with them? You’re having the baby without him?” 

“No! It’s just that I don’t want to raise the baby on base and I need someone who’s had kids before to help me, and Erwin, along. The two of us don’t know what they hell we’re doing, so we need someone to help.” 

“I thought you didn’t have a great relationship with your parents?” 

“I don’t, but they’re all I have.” Hange sighed, shaking her head 

“I think you’re wrong. The first few months all you have to do is make sure the baby doesn’t die. It’s not that hard.” 

“What do you mean, ‘it’s not that hard?’ Hange, this isn’t some pet or something, it’s a living, breathing human!” you told her angrily. 

“Do you really want to raise your baby with your parents’ help? They sound hateful from how you’ve described them and I don’t think it would be a good environment for the baby,” she pointed out. 

“They’d be hateful to me, not the baby,” you said. 

“I still think that’s a toxic environment for the child-rearing,” Hange said stubbornly. 

“What’s a toxic environment?” Levi asked, trampling through the bushes. Red powder coated his body head to toe and he did not look happy. “Hange, your shitty canister exploded on me while I was trying to load it. I need a new one,” he explained, handing over the broken canister. 

“[First] wants her parents to help her and maybe the baby’s dad with the kid,” Hange informed him, taking his exploded canister from him and giving him a new one. His blue eyes flickered over to you. “Aren’t your parents assholes?” he asked. 

“Well yeah, but I need help raising the baby,” you told him. 

“I think you’re better off on your own, but it’s your life. Make your own choices,” he said with a shrug. “If you wanna raise your kid with your asshole parents, I think it’s a stupid choice. But ultimately it’s your decision.” He turned and left, hurrying back to his post in the forest. 

“Thanks, Captain,” you called after him sarcastically. 

“I still think it’s a bad idea,” Hange said like a mother scolding her daughter. “It’s not only toxic but it’s not foolproof. What if they don’t take you in?” 

“Then I’ll stay with some friends, or something. I’ll figure something out,” you answered. Hange shook her head and rolled her eyes. 

“I can’t tell you what to do but I think you’re being an idiot,” she replied harshly. A pang of hurt flashed through your system. 

“Hange I can’t raise a baby in this kind of life! And I need help! So what if my parents are hateful to me? I know they won’t be to the baby and that’s all I care about.” 

“But the baby will see you being treated like shit and it will affect them,” Hange replied heatedly. “I think you and Erwin, or even just you, are better off alone.” 

“Squad Leader? [First]? Is everything okay?” Petra asked, edging into the clearing and looking at you two curiously. Like Levi, she was also covered head to toe in powder, but where he was red, she was green. You said nothing, pushing the clipboard back into Hange’s hands before storming off towards the castle. “Wait! [First], wait for me!” Petra stood in front of you, walking backwards as you kept walking. “What’s wrong?” 

“Are you seriously asking me what’s wrong?” you demanded. 

“You and Hange aren’t known to fight. Of course I’m asking what’s wrong if something like that happens,” she defended herself. 

“Hange basically said that going to my parents’ house to get help raising the baby was a stupid thing to do,” you told her. 

“I think you’d make a great mother on your own, but if you feel like you need to go to your parents for help, I think you should do it. I don’t think it’s a stupid decision,” Petra replied. 

“Thank you! You get me, Petra,” you said, giving her a grateful look. 

“We’re friends, I hope I understand you,” she said. “Right now you need to focus on what’s best for you and the baby. And if that’s going to your parents’ house, then by all means, do it.” 

“It’s best for the baby and that’s all that matters,” you said. “Sure my parents won’t be that nice to me, but I don’t have any other option. I don’t know the first thing about parenthood. I need someone that’s done it before to help me. And if that means going back to my parents, then I’ll do it.” 

“What about the baby’s dad? Can’t you move in with him instead, or something?” Petra suggested meekly. You bit your lip, shaking your head. 

He and I are taking a break from dating right now. I don’t know if we’re going to end up getting back together,” you confided in her. _I don’t want to raise this baby on my own, but I don’t know what will end up happening._

“Oh. I’m sorry, [First],” Petra said. She placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder. “I hope things work out between you two. And I hope he’ll be able to help you through this. I don’t think your parents are the best option, but maybe they’ll change!” 

“Yeah, maybe.” 

  


_Knock, knock, knock._ Like so many times before, you stood outside Erwin’s office door, waiting for him to invite you in. Nerves were building in your stomach. You were unsure of how this would go and if you’d leave a single mother or not. You loved him, but you weren’t sure where he stood. You hoped he wanted to get back together. You wanted things to work between you two and if you started over, you were going to try your best to make this relationship a good, healthy one. 

“Name and business?” his deep voice called out. 

“It’s me,” you replied. 

“Come in, [First],” he said. You walked in and shut the door behind you. “I wouldn’t have minded if you just walked in unannounced.” 

“I didn’t want to accidentally interrupt something if you were meeting with Mike or Hange or someone,” you shrugged, sitting down at the visitor’s chair. Silence swooped in on the two of you as you both searched for something to say. You opened your mouth to say something when Erwin beat you to the punch. 

“I guess we should start this off by discussing if we want to get back together or not,” he said. 

“What do you want?” you asked. 

“I want to get back together,” he replied. You felt a wave of relief wash over you. 

“I want to get back together too, but if we’re going to do that we need to make sure this works this time around,” you pointed out. He grabbed a quill and piece of paper from the corner of his desk and started writing on it. “Are you seriously working right now?” you demanded. 

“Of course not. I’m writing up a list of things we need to fix,” he said, raising a thick eyebrow at you. 

“Oh.” You cleared your throat nervously, looking down at the paper. “I, uh. I’d like if you didn’t do work around me when we’re cuddling or in bed, or something.” 

“All right,” he murmured, adding it to the list. “I’d like it if you were more open with me.” 

“And I’d like it if you trusted me more.” 

“I guess we both have to work on our trust issues.” He smirked briefly as he wrote down your suggestions. “What did I do to lose your trust?” 

“The whole working when I’m around and then accusing me of cheating on you,” you replied. “I mean, when you thought I cheated on you it hurt and I have no idea why you thought I’d do that.” 

“I thought it because you’d become distant with me and you spent more time with him than me. And then I saw those papers and thought it was a confirmation of my fears. It was wrong of me to think that and I’m sorry I doubted you.” 

“And I’m sorry I pulled away,” you replied. “I think if this is going to work, we need to be more open and trusting with each other.” 

“I couldn’t agree more,” he said, reaching out and grabbing your hand. “Let’s start over and make this the last time we have to do this.” You grinned, relief flowing through your system. You didn’t have a home for your baby yet, but you had someone to help you raise them even if he was a bit clueless, and that’s what was most important to you. 

“Let’s do it.” 

  


A week later you sat in Erwin’s office, finalizing your position move from soldier to an administration job. Now, you were in charge of keeping track of the Survey Corps’ rations and helping Erwin and the squad leaders figure out what food and supplies needed to be taken on expeditions. Erwin sat in front of you, signing the very last bit of transfer paperwork. You felt relieved that you were keeping a position with the Corps and better yet, remaining near Erwin where he could potentially help with the baby, although you didn’t think he’d be very involved due to his job. But you had been wrong before so you tried not to make a solid assumption this time around. 

“It’s done. I hope you like being the supplies adviser,” he said, straightening up the paperwork before placing them in a folder. 

“I’m sure I will. It sounds like a fun job,” you reassured him, beaming. 

“I’ve been thinking a lot this past week,” he began, leaning back in his chair to get a good look at you. “If you really want to raise the baby on base, I won’t stop you. We have an extra room we can step for you and -” 

“No. I’m happy you gave it thought, but I don’t want to raise the baby on base,” you interrupted him. “I think you were right when you said a military base wasn’t a good place to raise a child. Sure, I’ll have to take the baby to work sometimes, but I think we should have our own place nearby. And if my parents take me in, I can stay with them for a while and just commute back and forth. It’s a longer way to and from work, but it’d be good for us.” 

“It’ll give us time to find good housing and get the baby’s things together,” he said. 

“Well we have toys courtesy of Petra, Nifa bought us some clothes, I have diapers stockpiled in my dorm room. All we really need is a crib.” 

“If I had a knack for building things, I would do it myself,” Erwin said. 

“I don’t mind having the baby in bed with me, but I feel it’d be more convenient if we had a crib. My parents have my old one still. I should be able to get it back from them and we’ll use that.” Rapid knocking interrupted your conversation. Before Erwin could ask who it was, Hange peeked her head into the office. 

“[First]! There you are. Levi and I have been looking all over for you,” she said, entering the office with the Captain. He shut the door behind them, a letter in his hands. The envelope was torn open. 

“What is it, Hange? Levi?” Erwin asked. 

“I. Well, as you two know, it’s mail day,” Hange began. “And uh, [First] got a letter from her parents but she wasn’t there when stuff was being handed out so I thought I’d find her and -” 

“Wait a minute, did you read my mail?!” you demanded, looking from her to the ripped envelope accusingly. 

“I tried to talk her out of it, but she’s a dumbass,” Levi piped up. 

“Hey! You’re the one who read it first!” she snapped at him. She turned back to you, apologies written on her face. “I did read it. We both did. We know you and your parents have a rocky relationship and we wanted to make sure whatever they had written was something you could handle.” 

“What do you mean, ‘something I can handle?’” you glared at her. 

“Hange, get to the point. Hand [First] her letter,” Erwin cut in. Hange stayed firmly rooted in her spot. 

“[First], I’m sorry. Your parents aren’t going to help at all,” she said softly. Everything froze. _What? What does she mean, they’re not going to help? I don’t know anything about raising a baby and neither does Erwin! How are we going to do this without help? We’re not even completely healed from our split yet! How are going to manage fixing ourselves and having to worry about housing and figuring out how to raise a kid on our own? Shit. This is the worst thing that could possibly happen. What are we going to do now?_


	10. The Ninth Month

“This place is kind of small. Are you sure it’ll be enough room for you guys,” Petra asked, walking around the small cottage. She and Nifa had accompanied you in searching for a home. Erwin had to stay behind at base to work on some paperwork, Hange was working on fixing the exploding flare canister problem, and Levi flat out refused to go. But you three had a day off, so you all decided to make the trip together.

“I think it’s good for the price. It’s just enough room for my family,” you said. “We don’t need anything big. Just the necessities. I don’t know if my boyfriend will be living with us full time, but for two it’s more than enough space.” 

“Yeah Petra, I think this is big enough. Something big would be too much work. And with a kid I don’t think a lot of work is something you’d want, right, [First]?” Nifa asked, turning to face you. 

“Definitely. I think this is the one. I’ll talk to my boyfriend and I think we’ll get this place,” you said cheerfully. “How do you like it?” you asked the baby, looking down at your bump. The baby kicked as if to say, “It’s great, Mama! You and Nifa are right!” “I think the baby likes it too,” you giggled. 

“I should hope so, they’re gonna be living here for a while,” Petra commented. “Shall we start heading back to base? It’s going to get dark soon.” 

“Yeah, we probably should,” you said. The three of you bid the man who was selling the cottage farewell, promising to contact him soon, and started the journey back to base. 

“[First], don’t take this the wrong way, but I think it’s weird that we made the trip to and from base, but tomorrow you’re going back to town to stay there until you have the baby. Why didn’t you just stay there after we saw the cottage?” Nifa asked. You shrugged. 

“I have some work to do tomorrow before I move into town,” you replied. At Erwin’s request, now that you were due any day, you were going to stay in town close to Jane until you had the baby. “There’s that expedition in a few months and I need to start planning out the supplies list.” 

“Oh yeah. How are you going to work on that while you’re in town?” Petra asked. 

“I’ll be corresponding with the Commander on a daily basis. It’ll take longer to plan out, but it won’t cause a big delay like if I didn’t work on it during my maternity leave,” you explained. 

“[First], we all know who you’ve been sleeping with, you can just call him ‘Erwin’ around us,” Nifa said. 

“Wait, what?! What do you mean, ‘we all?!’” you demanded, cheeks flaring with color. _What do they mean?! Does that mean everyone knows we're a couple?! I thought we were being secretive and kept it under wraps well!_

“Yes! She admitted it! Pay up, Petra!” Nifa shouted happily, fist pumping in celebration. 

“Fuck me sideways,” Petra grumbled, digging into her purse and pulling out a few coins. She rode over to the dark-haired girl and gave her some money while you stared at them, dumbfounded. _Wait, what?_

“Sorry, [First]. We’ve known about you two since it happened, pretty much,” Nifa explained, pocketing the money. 

“No one else knows,” Petra reassured you. “But we’re your best friends. We just know these things.” 

“Also Petra followed you one night when you were off sneaking to his office,” Nifa admitted. 

“NIFA!” Petra screeched, rage on her face as she stared daggers at your friend. “Way to throw me under the wagon! How could you?!” 

“Well she needed a better explanation than, ‘we just know these things,’” Nifa rationalized. 

“Oh my God, just stop. You’re giving me a headache,” you pleaded with them, face in your hands. 

“Don’t worry. Like I said, no one else knows,” Petra said. 

“Well, Squad Leader Zoe and Captain Levi know too. That brings us to four people outside the relationship that know,” you said. “That’s too many.” 

“But at least no one else in the Corps knows,” Petra pointed out. 

“Yeah, you have to look on the bright side,” Nifa added with a smile. 

By the time the three of you reached base, there had been four arguments over baby names, a yelling match between you and Nifa regarding diapers, a few spasms of back pain, and several innuendos made by Nifa at your expense. Night had just begun and you were glad that the trip had been fairly light. Torches and single iron chandeliers lit up the military base as you three put the horses back in their stables and entered the base. Damn it, I thought my back stopped this, you thought in irritation as another wave of back pain crept through your body. You pressed your fists hard against the small of your back to relieve some of the pain. It didn’t help a lot, but it helped some and that’s all you really cared about. In your lower abdomen you felt a popping sensation followed by a gush of wetness. 

“Guys,” you said, voice shaking as fear started pumping through your body. “I-I think my water just broke.” 

“Shit, what do we do?! It’s a two hour ride back to town!” Nifa said, looking desperately to Petra as if she’d know what to do. Clearly, the ginger-haired girl was also at a loss. 

“I don’t think we should take her back, what if something goes wrong and we’re stuck in the middle of nowhere?” Petra pointed out. “Nifa, go get Commander Erwin. I’m going to go take [First] to the nurses’ wing.” Nifa said nothing, taking off in a sprint along the corridors. Petra helped support you as the two of you walked towards the nurses. 

“Shit, I’m not ready. I’m not ready for this,” you said, looking down at your baby bump. 

“Ready or not, that baby’s coming,” Petra replied. “Right now our priority is getting you to a nurse and figuring out what to do from there.” 

“But my midwife’s not here! How can I have the baby without her?” you questioned. 

“I’m sure at least one of the nurses has delivered a baby before,” she reassured you. “If not, I’ll go get Oluo. He’s delivered baby animals on his farm before, I’m sure he could deliver an actual baby.” 

“I’m not letting that dumbass deliver my baby!” you cried indignantly. 

“It was just a suggestion,” she shrugged. You reached the nurses’ offices and Petra knocked on one of the doors, pounding hard enough that anyone in the area could hear her. 

“Is anyone in here?! [First] is having her baby and we need help!” Petra yelled out, pounding on the door more. 

“Petra, why the shit are you yelling?” Your heads snapped to look at Levi leisurely walking down the hallway, looking like his normal grumpy self. 

“[First] is in labor and we need a nurse!” Petra said hurriedly. 

“Couldn’t you have waited until tomorrow?” he asked in exasperation. He tried a door to find it locked. “Petra, I’m taking a pin out of your hair.” 

“Go for it,” she replied, leaning over and letting him slide a pin out of her hair. He picked the lock quickly and let you two inside. 

“Don’t put her on the table, yet. I’ll disinfect it first,” he said as you two rushed past him. You hadn’t made it two steps into the office when you felt a sharp pain as if someone was someone were scraping the inside of your uterus with one thousand sharp knives. You cried out in pain, gripping Petra harder. 

“Sir, I don’t think we have time,” she said, holding you tighter. 

“I’m not putting my vagina on the table and the baby can be washed, it’s fine,” you replied. Nonetheless Levi grabbed a clean white sheet from the cupboard and threw it over the hard bed before letting you lie down on it. He and Petra helped you up. 

“I’ll go get a nurse,” he said as Petra pulled off your pants. He didn’t wait for you or Petra to confirm with him before leaving. She pulled your soaked panties off and flung them into the corner with your pants. 

“Hey, it’s all going to be okay. Every minute that goes by is a minute you’re closer to being done with labor,” she said, pulling a chair up to your bedside so she could sit with you. 

“Shit. Petra, I’m not ready for this. I don’t know the first thing about raising a kid. Neither does Erwin,” you said, a dry, painful ache creeping through your throat as you fought back tears. 

“No one knows what to do when they’re pregnant, but once that baby comes out I’m sure you’ll know what to do. Mother’s intuition, you know?” she said soothingly. Muffled footsteps echoed through the hallway and in seconds Hange flung herself into the room, skidding on the wood floor. 

“I’m sorry, Hange’s the only person I could find,” Levi said, hurrying in after her. “All of the nurses have gone home.” 

“I thought we were supposed to an on-call nurse that lived on base,” Petra said. 

“We did until she got the Underground Gout and died. No offense, Levi,” Hange said hurriedly, glancing at him. 

“Seriously?” he replied, but Hange had already moved on and had her attention on you. 

“How are you feeling, [First]? Fill me in on what’s happened with your body,” she inquired. 

“Hange, are qualified to deliver a baby?” you questioned, giving her a concerned look. 

“I have medical training and my mother was a midwife. This isn’t exactly the first baby I’ve helped bring into the world,” she said, rolling her eyes. 

“I, uh, my water broke and I think I’m having contractions,” you told her as she slowly nodding, drinking in your words. She looked at your vagina and you had never felt more embarrassed in your life. Erwin seeing you was fine, but Hange, Levi, and Petra seeing you there? 

“I’m going to search the office for some pain meds, but if not, don’t worry. You look like you’re already two centimeters dilated. When you get to four, early labor will start and from there once you’re at ten, that’s when you’ll start pushing and you’ll have the baby in your arms!” 

“Should I go get the baby’s father?” Levi asked you, eyes shifting quickly to Petra as if to tell her to leave. 

“Nifa’s getting Commander Erwin,” she replied, giving him a dark look to show she knew what he meant by his glance at her. “They should be here any moment.” 

“Hange, how long will labor last?” you asked, glancing up at her. 

“Anywhere between ten hours to a day,” she said, giving you a sympathetic look. You groaned, a few rogue tears running down your cheeks. 

“I don’t want to do this, I don’t want to do this,” you said, shaking your head and looking at Hange pleadingly as if she could do something. 

“It’ll all be over before you know it. I’m going to find you some pain meds to take the edge off,” she told you, walking over to the cabinets and rummaging through them. The door opened and Erwin strode in, making a beeline for you. Petra stood up and walked to Nifa, giving you a wave goodbye before they left. 

“Are you okay?” he asked, taking Petra’s old spot. 

“Y-yeah, I’m fine,” you said. Another contraction came, the pain spasming through your body. You flinched, trying to bite back the pain. 

“She’s having early contractions. She’s just over two centimeters dilated,” Hange filled him in, surveying a pill bottle. He gave her a blank look. She glanced at him. “It means she’s still a few hours away from active labor, where she actually pushes the baby out. I can’t find any pain meds that you can have while pregnant. Sorry, [First],” she added. 

“I-I guess it’s fine,” you said. 

“Levi, can you go tell Mike to hold off on any paperwork that we need to work on together and we’ll work on it a few days from now?” Erwin asked. 

“And once you’re done with that, bring me some water. We need to keep [First] hydrated,” Hange added. 

“Yeah, all right. Don’t die, [First],” Levi said, turning his back and leaving the office. You knew he was joking but the whole thing was unsettling. You hadn’t thought of childbirth killing you. 

“He was jo -” 

“I know. I’m fine. Really,” you told him, giving him a weak smile. 

“I thought we were going to work on being more open with each other,” he reminded you gently. _Right. That’s a thing._ You looked down at your baby bump, biting your lip. 

“I don’t think I’m ready for this and I’m scared,” you confided in him. His hand found yours, gently grabbing it. 

“I don’t know if I am either, but we have each other and we’ll figure this out as we go,” he said soothingly. A sob choked its way out of your throat and you squeezed his hand. Here was the man you’d fallen in love with all those months ago. 

“I love you,” you told him. 

“I love you too,” he replied, a small smile on his lips. 

Contractions came and go like waves, each time getting stronger and lasting longer. The pain felt worse than any menstrual cramps you had ever had in your life, but in it was in the same vein. Pressure started building in your lower back. The pressure wasn’t bad but the contractions felt horrible, like someone was gutting you from the inside. As the minutes rolled by the contractions became more and more frequent, leaving you gasping for air every minute or so. Erwin and Levi, whenever he was in the room, gave you nervous looks, but Hange looked calm, as if everything was going according to plan. And she assured you it was. 

“Well, you look like you’re nine centimeters dilated,” she announced, once again taking a peek between your legs. “What that means is your body is pretty much ready to push the baby out. That’ll happen at ten centimeters, so you’re almost there.” 

“Thank God, I’m tired of lying around,” you muttered. “I don’t particularly want to keep going through this but I’m done.” 

“You’ll be done before you know it. This stage can last as short as an hour,” Hange reassured you. “And from there, it really just depends. If you feel a lot of pressure and like you have to push, push and tell me.” You nodded as another contraction hit you. _Shit, how am I going to get through this?_ you asked yourself, struggling to breathe from the pain. Once it was over you quickly gasped for air. 

“Are you sure there’s nothing to kill the pain?” Erwin asked Hange. 

“Nothing safe. I know she’s having the baby right now but I don’t want to give her any sort of painkilling medicine that a pregnant woman can’t have, even though she’s only going to be pregnant for at least another four hours.” _Four hours?! I still have four hours to go?!_

“Is there anything natural she can have? Like herbs or some shit?” Levi asked from his spot next to the door. 

“We wouldn’t have it. But if you could run and get more water, I’d appreciate it,” Hange said. He nodded and left. “I’m sorry we don’t have anything, [First].” You shrugged trying to play it down. Like Hange had said, pressure started to build in your lower abdomen. _Okay, this just feels like I have to take a huge dump,_ you thought, feeling uncomfortable with the pressure. _Oh please for the love of God just be labor pressure. I am not pooping on this table in front of Erwin and Hange._

“I-I think I need to push,” you breathed, voice barely above a whisper. 

“Wait, what?” Hange asked. 

“She said she thinks she needs to push,” Erwin said for you. You gave him a grateful look. 

“All right. This is it, [First]. It’s time to have the baby,” Hange said, positioning herself between her legs, ready to deliver the baby. “When you feel a contraction, push, okay?” You nodded, biting your lip as you felt the pain building. _God, I am never getting pregnant again. This is too much,_ you thought, the pain building and building until it reached its peak. You pushed hard, desperate to make some good progress. As if God decided to bless you, as you pushed the contraction pain seemingly vanished. _Oh my God. Is this real? Or was I late pushing? At least the pain stopped._

“Good first push! Keep it up!” Hange encouraged you, giving you a thumbs up. You nodded, squeezing Erwin’s hand for support. He squeezed right back. 

The long process of pushing started, each contraction feeling like your body was going to be pulled apart but each push you made offering sweet relief. Time seemed to stop working. You could tell how long you lie there, pushing and pushing and pushing. It didn’t feel like you were there for a long time or a short time, it just felt like you were there as Hange let out a squeal of delight. 

“You’re doing a great job, [First]! I can see the top of the baby’s head!” she exclaimed as you felt a burning sensation. “We’re near crowning! Keep up the work! We’re almost there! Erwin, you wanna see this?” 

“I’ll just stay up here with [First],” he politely declined. 

“What about you, Levi?” Hange asked. 

“Fuck no,” he responded. “In fact, now that the baby’s coming out I’m leaving. This is too gross.” 

“Suit yourself,” Hange shrugged. You gave him a weak wave goodbye as he left the room. “I don’t get his weird aversion to vaginas but whatever. It’s his life.” 

“Vaginas are weird, to be fair,” you said quietly. 

“True,” Hange agreed. You felt another contraction and let it peak before you pushed. You continued the process, trying to push harder and harder. I am done with being in labor. I just want this to be over, you thought with determination. Your body felt like it was on fire and being torn apart, but you kept going, hellbent on having this baby soon. Erwin and Hange kept giving you encouragement, fueling your determination. And finally, after hours and hours of labor. You gave your final push and your baby came into the world. 

“Motherfucking Christ, we are not having another child,” you told Erwin sternly. He laughed, kissing your forehead. 

“I’m okay with just one,” he said as Hange cut the umbilical cord. She quickly wiped the baby off with a damp towel and dried them off before handing them to you. 

“You have a boy,” Hange informed you. You looked down at his face. He looked kind of like a potato, but a cute potato. Thankfully, he didn’t have Erwin’s eyebrows, but he had his father’s fair hair and blue eyes. But then again, you recalled the off fact from Nifa, babies always had blue eyes at first and then they changed. So who knew what color your son would end up with? 

“He’s perfect,” you said in awe, gently grabbing his little fist. You felt another contraction coming and fear went through your body. “Hange?” you asked, voice quivering. 

“Yeah, what’s wrong?” 

“I feel like I’m having more contractions,” you informed her. 

“It’s just the placenta. Just give a few gentle pushes and it’ll be out. You’re not having twins,” she waved away your worry. You breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Thank God. I can’t go through that again,” you said. Erwin looked down at your son, a smile on his face. “Do you want to hold him?” 

“Yes,” he said. You carefully transferred your son to his arms, letting Erwin hold him. “We should start thinking of names, shouldn’t we?” 

“We probably should,” you laughed. “How about . . . Anthony?” 

“I like that. It’s a good name” he replied, gently rocking little Anthony. You rested your head on Erwin’s shoulder, looking down at the little miracle you made. Somehow, looking at him made everything feel better. Sure, you were worried you wouldn’t be a good mother, but you had Erwin and the help of your friends to raise Anthony. Everything was going to be okay. 

In that moment of realization, you caught Erwin’s eye and gave him a wide smile. He smiled back, a mix of emotions on his face. Awe. Pride. Happiness. But the strongest out of them was one you could never, ever get tired of seeing on him. 

It was love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa, has this been a trip guys. I'm gonna keep this short because it's 5am, my eyes are burning and I feel really really light-headed. Thank you everyone for reading this series and sticking around and just being so supportive. You guys have given me so much wonderful feedback and support, it's crazy and I want to thank each and every one of you for your love and support. It means the world to me. To everyone reading this, thank you.


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